Understanding
by akaisakura
Summary: Daisuke's having problems accepting who he is as he enters a relationship he's just not ready for. Kensuke-shounen ai with angst and fluff! *Chapter 8 up!! The countdown to /the/ day... How much worse could things get for Tai and Yamato...?*
1. Prologue: 2 Diaries

Hi, hi! New fic...yes, it's another Kensuke with mild shounen ai...If you can't deal with shounen ai, I suggest you hit the back button now. If you can, welcome to my latest fic. 

The basic setting is that both Daisuke and Ken are now 16 and they're in high school. Nothing's changed, they're still living in their respective towns of Odaiba and Tamachi. 

This fic is the product of a request by a certain someone, who after reading my other fic, "Roommates", wanted a fluff fic to "make both characters happy..." cause Ken still had a bit of unresolved angst at the end. So this is my first fluff fic. (Heh...I guarantee that the angst will come though as I continue the story (like chapter 3 *hehehe*)...so this story gets a rating of PG-13). 

The prologue and the first two chapter are special. I intended them to be read separate, but together, so they're double columned to show two points of views on the same page. I may continue to write the whole story in this two person perspective if people want, but people have to tell me. Otherwise, I'm going to write the rest of the fic in normal style. The author's notes are at the bottom, as always. Oh, and I do not own Digimon or any of the characters in it. Suing is not worth the time since I am also broke. Not much else to mention other than that...Enjoy! 

  


  


  


  


  


Understanding   
akaisakura@hotmail.com 

  


  


Prologue: Two Diaries 

  


A revelation came to me today. Not about some math problem, but about something equally as puzzling. I always knew that Daisuke was someone special to me, but I never really gave it much thought, until today. It's been five years since we first met in the Digital World, and we've been friends for that long. Hard to believe that so much time has passed and in these five years, I believe I have fallen in love with my best friend. I suppose I should explain how I came to this conclusion. 

It was at lunch, when two guys at the next table were talking about their lack of girlfriends. One of them turned to the other and asked how do you know when you're in love. And the other guy said, "Dude, how should I know. I've never had a girlfriend." Needless to say, I found that to be amusing, but at the same time, it was slightly disturbing to me. I suppose males of my age _should_ be thinking about things like girls, but I personally have not. Miyako is about the girl I've ever thought about, and usually it's about how to get away from her constant flirting, now that _she's_ also of that age where she's out for the kill. So I gave it some thought after school. Thinking back on spring break, I realized that I had spent the majority of my time with Daisuke. And the more I thought about it, the more things started to click. That's when I realized that I am without a doubt, in love with Daisuke. 

Love is a strange thing. Many great writers and thinkers have written about it, and it has been the subject of too many songs throughout the eons. They all seem to say the same thing: the person you love will be someone you worry and care about immensely, and want to be with for the rest of your life. Then, there are all those biological things you feel too, like the quickening of your heart, and other such symptoms, some of which I'm experiencing right now as I'm writing. I wonder if Daisuke could ever feel the same way for me, though. He made it quite clear that he doesn't like guys, and I think, of all the digidestined, he would have the toughest time adjusting if he ever realized the distinct possibility of being gay. Sometimes, I feel like he could possibly like me too, since we've always been very close, but then I remember what he said; how he doesn't think he would ever be able to like a guy like that. I really don't know. I don't think I'm going to tell him how I feel for a very long time. Maybe I should try to warm him up to the idea first, and maybe I'll drop some hints at him. Then again, like I said, he may get scared, and I may end up losing my best friend, and that's the last thing I want. I guess we'll see how it goes. I mean, the school year has only just begun. Maybe I was just hanging around him too much over spring break, and maybe if I don't see him as much, this whole thing will just go away. I can only hope. 

Ken April 18, 20xx 

Speaking of love and the arts, I'm not a very creative writer, am I? I think I should write more poetry, and less lab reports and essays. 

You know that funny feeling that you get when you like someone? Well, I had that feeling today for Ken, of all people! I just don't understand it! I mean, I'm straight, damn it! How could this have happened to me? Sure, Ken's my best friend and all, but still, how come I'm feeling like I'm going to die without him? I feel sick. I'm acting like a lovesick puppy right now thinking about Ken. We've known each other for five years, and I've never once thought of him other than as a friend, so why now?? 

It happened at lunch today. Miyako was going on and on, like she always does at lunch, about Ken and how she was planning all these strategies to finally get him to notice her, but it was weird. I mean, I'm always annoyed at her when she goes on one of these "Ken is soooo cute!" rants, but today, it wasn't that kind of irritation that happens when you've heard something for the 8 bizillionth time. I think it was more of a defensive annoyance...I was thinking something along the lines of how Ken shouldn't be some sort of object...You'd think that after being digidestined for so long that Miyako could at least have learned something about the guy, besides his looks. It's just kind of unsettling...well, anyway, back on topic...so, after lunch, we all went to our afternoon classes, and after that, I came straight home. I just didn't feel like hanging out with everyone after school. That strange feeling never left me, so after I got home, I sat down and tried to take my mind off of things by playing a little bit of Dragon Warrior 11...man, those slimes are so annoying! Why did the programmers put so many random battles in with those stupid things, anyway?...heh...arg...off topic again...gotta stop doing that...maybe I'm trying to avoid the real topic here...Well, needless to say, the game didn't help much, since it just aggravated me some more. I gave up and finally decided to try and figure out what this whole thing was. 

So there I was, lying on my bed, listening to some music, thinking about Ken. Thinking to myself, "Why did I get defensive about Ken?...I've never been that way before when Miyako was yacking about how cute Ken was." I thought maybe it was because I was against the principle of how she's treating poor Ken, I thought it might have been because she should have other things to talk about other than Ken's looks, like Ken's intelligence, or his kind personality, his soccer playing skills...anything...and then, the more I thought about Ken's qualities, the more I felt like I was admiring him...in _that_ way, like how I was checking out other girls in my grade. Yeah, sure...laugh at how Daisuke, the dummy actually thinks about more than looks...well, I _do_...people think I'm stupid and shallow, but they don't know how picky I really am when it comes to important things. And then, before I knew it, I was stuck for the rest of the day feeling like this. This has to be a fluke. I must have just been thinking about Ken too much today, that's all. Besides, Ken's not like that. Even if, gods forbid this, I really _do_ genuinely like him, I don't think Ken would like me back. In fact, he'd probably hate me and stop being my friend. The last thing in the world I'd want is to lose him as my friend. So now, I guess I have to go to bed and hope that when I wake up, this was all just a bad dream. I really think that this was just a weird day. I mean, come on, I can't be like _that_, can I?... 

Daisuke April 18, 20xx 

I've got to stop straying off topic. These entries would be so much shorter if I actually kept on topic. 

  


  


Notes: 

Daisuke, Master of Denial ^_^ (From episode where Daisuke gets the Digimental of Friendship...super denial of his problems...) 

Ken, Master of Emotional Problems... 

  


-Dairy entries: Ken's is more or less grammatically correct...Daisuke's on the other hand, leaves something to be desired. I figure that he's not one for structure or grammar, especially when he's trying to get everything out on paper. 

-Ken mentions that he had spend most of his _spring_ break with Daisuke. The reason for that is explained below in my notes for chapter 1. It has to do with the Japanese school system. 

-Daisuke's mention of Dragon Warrior XI (the rival of Final Fantasy) doesn't exist yet...I'm just guessing that by the time they're in high school, as long as it doesn't take Enix four years to make each sequel like it did with Dragon Warrior VII, it should exist...and those slimes are back ^_^ as constant as chocobos in Final Fantasy... 

-Daisuke plays RPGs, but why Dragon Warrior (even though I'm an avid fan of Final Fantasy)? Because in the episode where Jun has an acne on her face, you see Daisuke playing some sort of RPG (which I am almost sure is Dragon Warrior VII now since I've seen what the layout for VII looks like) with a slime as an enemy, along with something else that i'm not sure what it is... 


	2. Chapter 1: Reality

Again, I do not own digimon...and I'm mad broke....so don't even think about trying to sue me... :P 

reminder: if you guys like this double perspective thing, let me know. Otherwise, this will end after the next chapter! 

  


  


Understanding   
akaisakura@hotmail.com 

  


  


Chapter 1: Reality...Through the Violet Eyes of One Ken Ichijouji 

  


The day was starting off on the wrong foot again. 

/There's something wrong. I can tell. There's something wrong./ 

Ken was wandering the streets of Tamachi again, a new habit he'd picked up since about two weeks ago, wondering and thinking about his one special person. He had come to grips with his own feelings for him, but he still didn't know what to do about it. Even worse, it seems that now there was another problem: Ken's crush was starting to act strange, and that concerned him...a lot. 

/I'm not going to sit around and pretend nothing's happening. I'm going to ask him what's wrong today. I hope it's something I can help with./ 

He walked over to a pay phone, picked up the receiver, inserted his X calling card, and dialed a very familiar number. After two rings, a very familiar voice answered. 

"Moshi moshi..." 

/I've gotta act like nothing's going on./ Ken thought to himself, even though his heart was beating faster than a hummingbird's wings at the moment. 

"Daisuke, it's Ken. I was wondering if you wanted to go play some soccer today." 

/That was casual enough, right?.../ 

There was a brief pause, and then Daisuke's voice answered with a twinge of nervousness, and what seemed like muffled enthusiasm. "Yeah, sure..." 

/Did I just hear something that isn't there?/ 

Ken refocused on the conversation. 

"Say, Ken, it's my week to travel, isn't it? Well, how about I meet you in a little while at Shibaura Park, ok?" Daisuke continued more assertively. 

/I must be imagining things./ Ken mentally shook his head and sighed. 

"Ok then, I'll see you in a bit. Ja matta." 

"Ja." 

Ken hung up the phone, retrieved his X phone card, and exited the booth, and walked towards his house. As he walked, a plan began to formulate in his head. 

/I _will_ get to the bottom of this today./ 

****************** 

"That is going to be $3.58, sir," the cheery clerk said. 

Ken paid for the bottles of water, put them into the sports bag he had picked up from home, put the sack back on his shoulder, and headed in the direction of the park, thinking that he should have killed enough time by now. 

/Knowing Daisuke, he's going to forget to bring water. Again./ Ken sighed to himself as the park slowly came into view. And as if by instinct, Ken's feet guided him to that field where he and Daisuke loved to play on. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, bordering afternoon, since Daisuke almost never woke up before 10:30 am on Saturdays, and Ken found a perfect spot to set up. The nice thing about Shibaura Park was that it had a sports center, thus freeing up all the quaint, little fields for people who just wanted to play a good game of one on one. There would be little time for such games, though, once school really got going and the homework started piling up. It was such a shame that the two of them lived so far away from each other. Sure, it looked like a short little skip across the bay and over the Rainbow, but since neither of them could drive, it meant that they could only see each other on weekends. 

Ken was finishing his warm-up when he spotted Daisuke strolling into sight across the field. 

"Hey, Daisuke!" Ken shouted as he waved his arms in the air, trying to catch the brown haired boy's attention. Daisuke continued his strolling, oblivious to Ken's furious waving. Ken frowned. 

/He's probably thinking again. I wonder if he's thinking about his problem.../ 

Like a butterfly fluttering across a field, Ken gracefully jogged up to his jogress partner, and attempted once again, to say hi. 

"Hey, Daisuke, is something the matter? You didn't hear me say "hi" from back there?" Ken questioned, the picture of concern on his face. 

"Sorry, Ken. I was just thinking about how it's already spring. Guess I got a little carried away...heh, heh..." Daisuke chuckled out nervously. 

/...I wonder if that's what he was really thinking about...you may be good at hiding your feelings from others, but you can't hide them from me.../ 

Ken didn't get beyond the sound of air rushing through his vocal chords as he tried to further interrogate Daisuke, when the target of his questioning cut him off. 

"So, how about that game, Ken?" He flashed one of those typical, charming smiles that he's so good at. "Think I could get a five minute warm-up?" 

"Sure..." Ken said, still unsure if he should press the matter, but then thought of his plan, and opted to wait. He put on his little trademark grin and merely stated, "...and then I'm going to crush you." 

  


Chapter 1: Reality...Through the Chocolate Eyes of One Daisuke Motomiya 

  


The day was starting off on the wrong foot again. 

/It can't be true...it can't be.../ 

_or could it...?_ his brain asked back. 

It had only been two weeks, but these had been the two worst weeks of Daisuke's life. Every day felt like an emotional roller coaster with a dash of the crazy teacup ride thrown in for good measure. Heck, every minute he was with that _particular_ person was like a roller coaster ride in itself. One second, he'd be elated, and the next, he'd be crashing...into the confusion and frustration of reality. And quite frankly, he was getting sick of it. But, unfortunately for Daisuke, fate was not kind and decided that he would continue to like this person, no matter how sick of this situation he got. 

/How can I be feeling this way...for _him_...? I'm not like that...I know I'm not!/ 

So Daisuke continued lying on his bed, staring up at his ceiling, counting the minuscule pores that existed somewhere in that nearly perfect paint job done so many years ago by some unknown painters. 

He nearly jumped off his bed when he heard the phone ring next to his ear. 

/Stupid phone. It's always too loud...gotta remember to turn the ringer down a few notches./ 

"Moshi moshi," he said lazily into the receiver. 

"Daisuke, it's Ken. I was wondering if you wanted to go play some soccer today." 

At the sound of Ken's voice, Daisuke's brain went into overdrive and he was getting the distinct impression of being at the amusement park again, only he was not so amused. 

/Oh, gods...it's _him_...what do I do? Is this a date? Do I say yes?...Wait a sec, Dai, what are you thinking?....this is just Ken...your best friend...he calls you up _every_ weekend to play soccer...and stop that...you shouldn't be thinking of him in that way anyway, unless you _are_ like...that...damn.../ 

After what seemed like the longest battle of his life, Daisuke finally answered, "Yeah, sure..." 

/Shoot, he probably noticed that pause.../ Daisuke fumbled around for something to latch onto. 

"Say, Ken, it's my week to travel, isn't it? Well, how about I meet you in a little while at Shibaura Park, ok?" Daisuke continued more assertively. 

/I hope that covered that...Gods, why do I always sound like such an idiot when I'm around Ken?...or more than usual anyway.../ 

"...you in a bit. Ja matta." 

Daisuke didn't catch everything, but he figured Ken said it was ok. 

"Ja," he answered back. 

Daisuke hung up the phone, took a deep breath, got up out of bed and collected his soccer gear. As he walked out into the mid-day sun, he resumed what had become, in the last week, his daily debate. 

/Should I tell Ken today?/ 

****************** 

"Tamachi Station. Please watch your step. This is Tamachi Station," the cheery computerized voice proclaimed. 

Daisuke stepped off the train, onto the platform, took a look around, and headed in the direction of the park, his head reeling in questions as he tried to calm his distressed soul. 

/Take a deep breath...breathe, Daisuke...in, out...this is going to be like any other day...just going to play some soccer with your best friend on a sunny Saturday...that's all.../ 

The park slowly came into view and his feet guided him to that field where he and Ken loved to play on. It _was_ a beautiful day, and Daisuke soon became engaged in admiring the way the trees were budding. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear Ken until he was practically in front of him. 

"Hey, Daisuke, is something the matter? You didn't hear me say "hi" from back there?" Ken questioned. Ken had such a concerned look on his face, it almost made Daisuke blush. 

"Sorry, Ken. I was just thinking about how it's already spring. Guess I got a little carried away...heh, heh..." Daisuke chuckled out nervously. 

/I can't believe I got so caught up in thinking about spring...and I was almost calmed down too...Ken's looking so sweet with his brows knitted up like that...all worried...ack, gotta stop that...what's wrong with me? Get a grip, Daisuke!...this is a _guy_ you're talking about!...I'm not like that, I'm not like that, I'm not like that.../ Daisuke thought as he gave a rather large mental sigh. And Ken wasn't helping matters any by standing there in front of him with the most worried look he'd ever seen. 

Ken looked like he was about to say something and Daisuke quickly cut him off before he could be interrogated again. 

"So, how about that game, Ken?" He flashed one of those typical, charming smiles that he's so good at. "Think I could get a five minute warm-up?" 

"Sure..." Ken started out sounding a little unsure, like he wanted to say what he was going to say before, but then, he put on his little trademark grin and said, "...and then I'm going to crush you." 

  


  


Notes: 

-Ken uses an X phone card...for those who don't know what X is, it's a manga by the all female team of CLAMP...great series...think end of the world type...complete with bishounen "god"...I think Ken would be into that kind of show...on the other hand, it _is_ shoujo...hmmm... 

-"Ja matta" & "Ja" are informal ways of saying "bye" in Japanese. Ken's a little bit more formal by saying the complete phrase. Daisuke just says "Ja." 

-Ken mentions how close yet how far away they live from each other. The "Rainbow" refers to Rainbow Bridge in Tokyo city. It connects the towns of Odaiba and Tamachi...and as fellow X people would know, it's _that_ bridge (volume 16 spoilers...not going to say...) 

-The Japanese school year starts in April, usually the 1st. The first term goes until mid-July, where there is a break until September. The second term lasts from September to about Christmas, and the third term starts in January and lasts until March. The reason that the school year starts in April is because spring is associated with a time of renewal and new beginnings. Thus, it is appropriate to start a new year of schooling and government in April. It also appeals to the Japanese parents' aesthetics of being able to take pictures of their children standing beneath a beautiful flowering tree as they begin another year of schooling. Since the school year is just starting at this point in the story, work loads should be light enough that Daisuke and Ken still have time to see each other. 

-Shibaura Park does indeed exist in Tamachi, and yes, it does have a sports complex. It is easily within walking distance (something like 2 blocks) from the Tamachi train station. Thanks to MSN Japan for the maps...(can't believe I'm actually thanking The Evil Empire for something..._shudder..._) 


	3. Chapter 2: Admittance

Thanks to everyone who reviewed ^_^ you guys are the best! All the input helped a lot. Since the general consensus is that the double column format I had earlier was too confusing, or just not worth it, I'm now putting them one on top of the other. So, the first half is Ken's POV and the second half it Daisuke's POV. 

And since "Davis Claus" didn't give me Digimon this year, no, I do not own it, and probably never will. *sigh* 

  


  


  


  


Chapter 2: Admittance...from the mouth of one eternally patient Genius 

  


The afternoon sky slowly melted into the reds and oranges of evening. The game proceeded quite well, with Ken crushing...er...ok, so it was crushing, Daisuke with a whopping score of 9-1. Not happy with that, Daisuke challenged Ken to another game, only to end up losing in a complete shutout. Dark spore or no, Ken was still the master of soccer. But enough fooling around, it was time to set his plan into action. 

/If I'm reading this right, Daisuke will be hungry in a little bit, and it should be easy enough to get him to come home with me using food as a motivator./ 

"...I had so many good moves, too. I still don't know how you got by my..." 

"Hey, Daisuke, would you like to come over to my house for dinner tonight?" Ken interrupted Daisuke's post-game ramble. 

"Huh?..." Daisuke seemed to give it some thought, and Ken thought he saw a few different things fly by in those rich, brown eyes. 

Daisuke looked at his friend, then reluctantly answered, "Nah...I really shouldn't. My parents probably want me home for dinner, anyway..." But Ken was pretty sure that it wasn't the real reason. 

/Hmm...this is going to be harder than I thought. It seems, my dear Daisuke, you are being quite stubborn again. I'll just have to work around your stubbornness to corner you./ 

"Are you sure, Daisuke? I mean, you're welcome, you know." Ken's worried voice was taken over by a light, fluffy tone as he continued. "If I'm not mistaken, there's still a slice of rich chocolate cake left from a party my parents had last week." 

/That should get him. He always was a sucker for chocolate cake./ Ken gave himself a little mental smile. 

"...well..." Daisuke was sounding less resolute, and Ken took full advantage of his hesitation. 

"And besides, you can call your parents to tell them you'll be having dinner at my place. I'm not going to take no for an answer, Daisuke. We don't have many more weeks like this where we can just spend the whole day together. School's going to get tougher from here on. So, can I beg this small favor from my best friend?" Ken put on his little puppy face, and tried to look as cute as possible. Daisuke has never been able to turn Ken down when he looked this way, and Ken was almost certain that this would be enough to convince Daisuke to come to his house, thus following his plan perfectly. 

****************** 

"Tadaima." Daisuke and Ken entered the Ichijouji apartment, and Daisuke headed straight for the phone. Ken wandered over to the kitchenette in search of that piece of cake he promised. Ok, so technically, he lied about the cake being left over from a party, but he wasn't about to let Daisuke know that he had baked it only a few hours ago. Before his little stop home earlier that day, Ken had picked up some instant cake mix, and set it to bake in the oven as he left. His mom was nice enough to keep an eye on it, and took it out when it was done. It was a nice surprise to see that his mom had also frosted it with some chocolate frosting, even though Ken's stomach was shuddering at the thought of so much chocolate. 

/Ugh. I think I'm going to die from all this chocolate. But if it will get Daisuke to talk, I guess I shouldn't complain. / 

Moving on from there, Ken pondered what to have for dinner. His mom was supposed to be out enjoying the evening with his dad, so that meant that it was 'fend for yourself' night. After scraping around in the fridge, Ken decided that the best course of action was just to make some nice bowls of udon, not that Daisuke would care. He was practically in love with the long, white noodles. After picking out some meat that looked edible, Ken set some water on the stove to boil. 

Daisuke eventually wandered into the kitchenette, the delicious aroma of beef udon in the air. 

"Hey, Ken. Need any help?" 

"No, it's ok. You can just go ahead and relax. Feel free to take a quick shower if you'd like." 

"But I didn't bring a change of clothes..." 

"It's ok. You're welcome to borrow any clothes you may need." 

"Ok...thanks." Daisuke smiled and walked off towards the bathroom. 

****************** 

"Daisuke! Dinner's done whenever..." 

Ken was amazed at how in synch they were. Daisuke was turning the corner to come back into the kitchenette just in time for Ken to practically shout into his face that dinner was done. 

"Oh, oops...sorry, Daisuke. I didn't mean to yell right into your face like that..." And it was then that Ken realized just how close their faces were. If he had leaned any further forward as he was shouting for Daisuke, he almost definitely would have kissed his crush. As it was, they were only a fraction of a centimeter away from each other, and he could feel Daisuke's warm breath on his lips. Ken was blushing madly as he backed away and turned around. 

/I really hope Daisuke didn't notice that. I've got to be more careful. Control, Ken, control!.../ 

Ken fumbled his way to the table, where two large bowls of piping hot udon were waiting to be consumed. Ken took a seat, and watched Daisuke make his way to the table. Daisuke sat down, and they both picked up their chopsticks. 

"Itadakimasu!" they both cheerfully said, and promptly dug in. Searching for conversation to alleviate his offset feeling, Ken decided to ask Daisuke why he took so long on the phone earlier. 

"So, what happened? I thought your parents are pretty lenient people." 

"Oh, you mean the call? I got Jun on the phone is what happened." 

"Oh?...So what was it this time?" 

"What else? Another new crush she's got. I swear she goes through crushes like they were underwear or something. 'A new one each day!' would be a good motto for Jun." 

"Ugh..." Ken dramatically rolled his eyes. 

"Exactly." 

****************** 

/This is perfect. It's all going according to plan.../ 

Ken looked up at his friend, who was currently perched in his favorite spot in the room. Daisuke was leaning over the railing of Ken's bed, looking thoroughly satisfied, and was goofily smiling through the haze of contentment. 

"Dinner was awesome, Ken! You sure you don't want to become my partner when I open my ramen cart? I'm going to need someone who can cook like you!" 

"Thanks...but like I said, Daisuke, I don't think I'm cut out to cook all the time. Did you try asking Yamato yet? I'm sure he and his pink apron would be great for publicity," Ken joked back. Daisuke chucked at that, since they both knew what Yamato's answer would be. Ken was glad that Daisuke seemed in a better mood, but enough was enough. 

/Idle chatter is getting me nowhere. Now that Daisuke is just where I wanted him, it's time to get down to the question at hand. / 

"Daisuke, what's going on? For the first time since I've known you, it seems like something's troubling you," Ken gently asked. 

"What?...nothing's wrong, Ken. Why would you think that something's wrong?..." The words streamed out of Daisuke's mouth like they had been rehearsed, as though he had said it all his life. 

"Don't try to lie to me, Motomiya. You may be able to fool the others with that smile of yours, but I know what goes on in your heart. When we fought that last battle all those years ago, you didn't have a thing in the world to worry about, and it showed in your eyes. But now, your eyes don't have that brightness they once had. I want the truth, Motomiya." 

/That should get him thinking. / 

Ken didn't hear any movement after his statement, and decided to take this opportunity to seal off his target's exit. As Daisuke sat stunned and unmoving on the bed, Ken took the liberty to climb up to where he was, and sat down next to him, waiting for a rebuttal from his stubborn friend. 

"Ken, what are you doing?...I told you, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. Really." 

/Got him! / 

"I don't care what you say, Daisuke. You're not going to weasel your way out of this." 

Daisuke started to look away. Ken reached out and grabbed Daisuke's chin and turned his face. 

"Look at me, Motomiya. You can't hide from me, you never could. I'll say it again, I want the truth. Tell me so I may help you. I don't care how silly of a problem it is, I want to help. I know the others have tried to help you too, but you keep brushing them off..." Ken felt Daisuke go stiff in his grasp, and took a mental step back. As he did, he looked into Daisuke's eyes, and started to trail off what he was saying as he realized that he was causing genuine fear. 

/Kaiser...I must be acting like the Kaiser again. / 

As this thought dawned on him, Ken released his grip on Daisuke, and just cupped his face. 

"Oh, my god. I'm sorry, Daisuke. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. I'm just really worried, that's all. Please, tell me what's wrong," Ken's voice softened as he gently stroked the younger boy's cheek with his thumb and tried to reassure him that there's nothing to worry about. 

"Daisuke, I'm not going to leave you, no matter how bad of a problem it is, or what it's about. Do you trust me? Do you believe in me? We've been partners for so long, I guess I always assumed you did. I'm sorry. But I really _am_ concerned for you. Won't you please tell me why you're in so much pain?" 

Daisuke paused for a few seconds, and he seemed to be closing his eyes as he tilted his head slightly downwards. 

"It has to do with you..." Daisuke muttered. "Do you swear that you won't stop being my friend if I tell you?..." 

/This has something to do with me? I wonder...would it be too much to hope?.../ 

Daisuke seemed to be searching for something within the depths of Ken's soul as he waited for his answer. "Yes, I promise, Daisuke. I will be by your side." 

/I care about you too much not to.../ 

Daisuke took a deep breath and looked into Ken's eyes. "Ken...I..." but stopped short when he closed his eyes, gently removed Ken's hand from his cheek, and brought it to his lips. Ken could only gasp as Daisuke did what he thought could only happen in his dreams. 

/He is actually _kissing_ me.../ 

Daisuke's eyes flew open and then immediately closed as he broke down and started to cry. "Ken, I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me, but I can't take back what I did, can I?" 

/Daisuke.../ Ken could feel his heart breaking from the pain of his friend's agony. /You are truly brave to take such a big risk.../ 

"It's ok, Daisuke. Shhh, just hold still. I'm still here." Ken tightly hugged Daisuke, and held him close to his heart. 

/It's my turn. You're not alone, Daisuke. You're not alone. / 

"I have a confession to make also. I love you, Daisuke." Ken let that sink in before he continued. "And no one else has to know about us, if you don't want them to." 

Ken kissed the top of Daisuke's head, held his beloved closer, closed his eyes and snuggled into the mass of cinnamon hair. 

  


  


  


  


  


Chapter 2: Admittance...from the mouth of one seriously in denial Goggle head 

The afternoon sky slowly melted into the reds and oranges of evening. The game proceeded quite well, with Ken crushing...er...ok, so it was crushing, Daisuke with a whopping score of 9-1. Not happy with that, Daisuke challenged Ken to another game, only to end up losing in a complete shutout. Daisuke eventually admitted defeat when he noticed that it was getting late, and that he should be heading home. 

/Drat. It's already five, but why am I so reluctant to go home? / Daisuke's mind wandered as he absent-mindedly continued his traditional schpiel after losing a game. 

"...I had so many good moves, too. I still don't know how you got by my..." 

"Hey, Daisuke, would you like to come over to my house for dinner tonight?" Ken interrupted Daisuke's post-game ramble. 

"Huh?..." Suddenly, a hundred thousands words flashed by in a matter of seconds. 

/I don't think I should go...but still, I really don't feel like going home yet. It's like I just want to spend more time with Ken...but then again, I really shouldn't...I mean, I'm still trying to make that... _feeling_... go away, and if I spend more time with him, then...ARG!!! Ok, Daisuke, get a hold of yourself...just say no and let it be that.../ 

Daisuke looked at his friend, then reluctantly answered, "Nah...I really shouldn't. My parents probably want me home for dinner, anyway..." But Ken didn't look like he was buying it. 

"Are you sure, Daisuke? I mean, you're welcome, you know." Ken's worried voice was taken over by a light, fluffy tone as he continued. "If I'm not mistaken, there's still a slice of rich chocolate cake left from a party my parents had last week." 

/Ooh...cake...chocolate cake...hmm...I _am_ a little hungry, and well, it can't hurt to go get some cake, right?.../ 

"...well..." Daisuke could feel himself giving in as his last reply sounded kind of weak...and this was a bad thing, as Ken surged forward. 

"And besides, you can call your parents to tell them you'll be having dinner at my place. I'm not going to take no for an answer, Daisuke. We don't have many more weeks like this where we can just spend the whole day together. School's going to get tougher from here on. So, can I beg this small favor from my best friend?" 

Daisuke looked at his best friend, and couldn't help it when he noticed that Ken was putting on that cute little puppy face that he always wore when he wanted something. And somehow, Daisuke could never say no to him when he did that. He finally gave in, and decided that he would go and have dinner with Ken. After all, Ken was right; the school year was starting up, and who knows when they'd be able to spend another day together again, so one little time couldn't hurt, could it? 

******************* 

"Tadaima." Daisuke and Ken entered the Ichijouji apartment, and Daisuke headed straight for the phone in Ken's room as Ken headed towards the kitchenette. Daisuke walked into Ken's room, flipped on the lights, and walked over to the desk. On it was a sleek black cordless, which he picked up and dialed his own number. After half a ring, a hyperactive, high-pitched voice resounded in his ear. 

"Moshi, moshi! Motomiya desu!" 

/Just great...it's Jun...ugh.../ 

"Hey, Jun. It's me." 

"Oh, it's you, squirt. I thought Ichirou was going to call...he's so cute!..." Daisuke could feel his conditioned reflexes starting to kick in and he conveniently blocked her annoying voice out. 

/Oh, man...all I wanted to do was tell my parents that I was going to be at Ken's for dinner. Now I get the motormouth wonder of hormones. How can I get her to shut up now? / 

"...well, anyway, what did you want? I've gotta go in case he calls!" 

"I just wanted to tell mom and dad that I was going to be at Ken's for a bit longer. He's making dinner..." 

"Awww! That's _soooo_ cute! Ken-chan is _soooo_ sweet to do that!..." 

"Uh, huh...well, don't you have to get off the phone, Jun?..." 

"...Oh, my god, that's right! Ok...see you later, squirt! I'll tell mom and dad you called. Bye!" *click* 

Daisuke was ever so glad to finally be off the phone as the distinct aroma of beef udon filled the air. Daisuke wandered back towards the kitchenette, and stuck his head in to see how Ken was doing. 

"Hey, Ken. Need any help?" 

"No, it's ok. You can just go ahead and relax. Feel free to take a quick shower if you'd like." 

"But I didn't bring a change of clothes..." 

"It's ok. You're welcome to borrow any clothes you may need." 

"Ok...thanks." Daisuke smiled and walked off towards the bathroom. 

******************** 

"Daisuke! Dinner's done whenever..." 

Daisuke was amazed at how in synch they were. He was just about to turn the corner to go into the kitchenette when Ken's face appeared in front of him and practically shouted to him that dinner was done. 

"Oh, oops...sorry, Daisuke. I didn't mean to yell right into your face like that..." Daisuke suddenly noticed just how close they were. If he had turned the corner any faster, he probably would have been kissing Ken, and gods know that it would have been disastrous if something like that had happened. Right now, as it was, he was only a hair width away from Ken and he could feel Ken's breath as it mingled with his own. Daisuke blushed madly as he quickly turned and looked away. 

/I really hope Ken didn't notice that. It would be really bad if he knew what kind of sick, stupid things I'm thinking of. It's just a phase...it'll go away soon.../ 

Daisuke turned back around and watched Ken fumbled his way to the table. He was obviously just as embarrassed, or maybe he was just uneasy with that close encounter they just had. Either way, Daisuke was hoping it wouldn't put too much of a strain on what was a perfectly good day. He wandered over to the table himself, where two large bowls of piping hot udon were waiting to be consumed as Ken took a seat. Daisuke sat down, and they both picked up their chopsticks. 

"Itadakimasu!" they both cheerfully said, and promptly dug in. Daisuke was still feeling kind of uneasy about what just happened and was very thankful that Ken found something to talk about first. 

"So, what happened? I thought your parents are pretty lenient people." 

"Oh, you mean the call? I got Jun on the phone is what happened." 

"Oh?...So what was it this time?" 

"What else? Another new crush she's got. I swear, she goes through crushes like they were underwear or something. 'A new one each day!' would be a good motto for Jun." 

"Ugh..." Ken dramatically rolled his eyes. 

"Exactly." 

********************* 

/Wow...Dinner was really good, as usual...Yamato had better watch out, cause Ken's tough competition.../ Daisuke, engrossed in his thoughts, gave a little smile as he leaned over the railing of Ken's bed. 

"Dinner was awesome, Ken! You sure you don't want to become my partner when I open my ramen cart? I'm going to need someone who can cook like you!" 

"Thanks...but like I said, Daisuke, I don't think I'm cut out to cook all the time. Did you try asking Yamato yet? I'm sure he and his pink apron would be great for publicity," Ken joked back. Daisuke chucked at that, since they both knew what Yamato's answer would be. Daisuke was glad that the little incident earlier didn't ruin dinner, and he was happy that he could spend this little extra time just relaxing with Ken. 

/Ken still looks a little worried though...I wonder what's on his mind...uh, oh...he's got his eyebrows in a little knot again...I know what that means.../ 

"Daisuke, what's going on? For the first time since I've known you, it seems like something's troubling you," Ken gently asked. 

"What?...nothing's wrong, Ken. Why would you think that something's wrong?..." The words just streamed out of Daisuke's mouth. He had said that so much in the last two weeks to all his friends that it had become almost second nature. 

"Don't try to lie to me, Motomiya. You may be able to fool the others with that smile of yours, but I know what goes on in your heart. When we fought that last battle all those years ago, you didn't have a thing in the world to worry about, and it showed in your eyes. But now, your eyes don't have that brightness they once had. I want the truth, Motomiya." 

/Owch, that was harsh. Ken hasn't called me by my last name in years. What do I do now?...Can I hold his questions off to another day when I'm less confused?.../ 

Daisuke sat there stunned and a little shocked...and maybe a little...hurt...? As he puzzled over his reactions again, he failed to notice that Ken was climbing up to where he was. By the time Daisuke noticed, Ken was just a little close for his liking. 

"Ken, what are you doing?...I told you, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. Really." 

/Trapped! / 

"I don't care what you say, Daisuke. You're not going to weasel your way out of this." 

Daisuke started to look away, but then, he felt Ken grabbed his chin and turned his face. 

"Look at me, Motomiya. You can't hide from me, you never could. I'll say it again, I want the truth. Tell me so I may help you. I don't care how silly of a problem it is, I want to help. I know the others have tried to help you too, but you keep brushing them off..." Ken was starting to use a tone of voice that Daisuke vaguely remembered, and wished that he could forget. That strong, forceful voice that threatened him, told him that whatever Ken's goal was, he was going to accomplish it no matter what it took. In a nutshell, Daisuke was scared. 

/_Kaiser_/ 

After a while, Ken started to trail off. 

"Oh, my god. I'm sorry, Daisuke. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. I'm just really worried, that's all. Please, tell me what's wrong," Ken's voice softened as Daisuke felt Ken releasing his grip, and just cupped his face. Ken gently stroked the younger boy's cheek with his thumb and his voice took on a soothing quality, like the whisper of an angel. 

"Daisuke, I'm not going to leave you, no matter how bad of a problem it is, or what it's about. Do you trust me? Do you believe in me? We've been partners for so long, I guess I always assumed you did. I'm sorry. But I really _am_ concerned for you. Won't you please tell me why you're in so much pain?" 

/What is he doing?...and why does this feel so right?...why, Ken...do you make everything seem like it's alright?...even if I still have my doubts.../ 

Daisuke closed his eyes as he tilted his head slightly downwards, trying to hide his shame and confusion. Then, he decided to take that step into what would be either the quicksand of despair, or the lake of hope. 

"It has to do with you...Do you swear that you won't stop being my friend if I tell you?..." 

/Please, Ken. If I trust you, if I believe in you, will you at least stay by my side? Please, I don't want to lose you. / 

Daisuke held his breath as he waited for Ken's answer. 

"Yes, I promise, Daisuke. I will be by your side." 

/...Ken...please...I'm so confused...please...don't hurt me.../ 

Daisuke took a deep breath and looked into Ken's eyes. "Ken...I..." but stopped short when he closed his eyes, gently removed Ken's hand from his cheek, and brought it to his lips. And then, he kissed his beloved's hand. 

/Oh gods!...What did I just do...I lost control.../ 

Daisuke's eyes flew open and then immediately closed as he broke down and started to cry. "Ken, I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me, but I can't take back what I did, can I?" 

/Shit. That was so stupid, Daisuke. Now he probably hates me...what am I supposed to do now? / 

To his surprise, Ken tightly hugged him close to his heart and whispered only comforting words. "It's ok, Daisuke. Shhh, just hold still. I'm still here." 

/Ken...Your heart...it still beats in time with mine. / 

"I have a confession to make also. I love you, Daisuke." There was a pause as Daisuke tried to comprehend that his best friend also felt the same for him. "And no one else has to know about us, if you don't want them to." 

Then, Daisuke felt the lips of his love kiss the top of his head, as he was pulled even closer, and he snuggled into the warmth of his partner's arms. 

  


  


  


  


Notes: 

-the score of 9-1 is the score of the soccer match between Daisuke's and Ken's teams in the show. Cheesy, I know, but -_-;; 

-chocolate cake?...well, I guess it goes with Daisuke's hyperactive personality ^_~ 

-"Tadaima" is something you say when you walk in the door of your own house. It's like saying, "I'm home!" 

-when Daisuke and Ken both express their surprise at how in synch they were, it's no accident that they are thinking almost the exact same thing. I structured these first 2 chapters in such a way as to show how different, yet similar, they are. 

-Ken...cooking...Well, I think that Ken would probably be a pretty good chef if he wanted to be. I mean, he's good at almost everything else... ^_^ 

-Ken, in the show, originally calls Daisuke "Motomiya" because he is more formal and probably because he has a certain level of respect for Daisuke. Ken's calling Daisuke by his last name again now, in the future, as a sign of his distancing. When people are more close and intimate, they call each other by their first name, and usually use their last name when they're less intimate. I just wanted Daisuke to understand that Ken's really serious through Ken's usage of these linguistic subtleties. 

-ok. So normally, Daisuke wouldn't be afraid of the Kaiser, but since he's in a rather fragile state of mind right now, between the confusion, and the possible loss of his friend, the last thing he needed to be reminded of was that Ken used to be the Digimon Kaiser, and that that particularly dark spot of his personality still exists. 

-Daisuke kisses Ken on the hand, and it's a big deal?!? Well, keep in mind that in Japan (and most of the US) kissing anyone anywhere is a big deal...and since Daisuke isn't really sure of himself yet, and still doesn't fully accept who he is, this is an even bigger step. Ken realizes this, and is impressed by Daisuke's bravery (fitting since Daisuke's the holder of the Digimental of Courage...), while Daisuke is both terrified and horrified by what he has done by crossing that final line between "just friends" and "something more." 


	4. Chapter 3: Acceptance...?

_sneaks a peak around..._ Hi...um...please don't hurt me... 

Ok...let me apologize right now for how long this update took (I'm especially sorry to you, Gyp-san...I know you said to make it quick) I had a lot to do at the beginning of the semester, and I really meant to update this fic earlier...really... o.o; Am I forgiven?... 

Secondly, I'd like to say that this section is _a lot_ longer than I had originally thought it would be...and I also had to change my style, yet again. But this time, it's to stay. I admit defeat and so I have gone back to good old traditional third person narrative. If anyone has anything to say about this, speak up! If not, this is how I'm going to finish out my fic...in about five more chapters...I think...eep! 

Third of all...I'd like to say that there isn't as many notes this time around, but there's a lot of content in what I do have to say, so I hope you all find it at least a little interesting. I hope I will inspire some of you to do your own research ^_^ 

Again, thanks to everyone who reviewed last time. Your reviews encourage and inspire me to write. 

  


  


Disclaimer: Do I have to keep on doing this?...grrr...it just pains me every time I have to say that Digimon and all its characters are not mine... *sniffle* 

  


  


  


  


Chapter 3: Acceptance...? 

  


  


Brown eyes flew open and stared up as Daisuke woke up with a start. The first thing he noticed was that it was dark. Then he realized that the ceiling was _far_ too close to his face for it to be _his_ ceiling...and then there was the matter of a third arm that _definitely_ did not belong to him that was draped protectively around his chest. Daisuke slowly turned his head as his foggy mind struggled to figure out how these three revelations fit together, and what they meant. His eyes came to rest on a pair of groggily blinking violet eyes. 

"What's wrong, Daisuke?" Ken mumbled as he removed his arm from Daisuke's chest and slowly sat up. 

Daisuke had the feeling that something significant had just happened. It bothered him that he couldn't seem to remember what had happened right at this instant. However, the fact that it was dark did concern him and _that_ was something he could figure out right now. 

"What time is it?" 

"I'm not sure exactly." 

Daisuke looked over the railing and stared at the red digital lines that his brain tried to compile into numbers. Suddenly, he was very awake and sat up, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling. 

"It's 10:30?! Shit! I only said that I was going to be here for dinner. My parents are going to kill me!" 

"It's ok, Daisuke. Calm down. I called your parents already when I realized you had fallen asleep. They said that you could stay here for the night if you wanted." 

"Oh..." The room fell silent. The white noise in Daisuke's mind suddenly became more deafening than the roar of a jet engine as he sat there thinking and wondering. Daisuke finally remembered what had happened. 

/Did I really confess to him?...did I just dream that?...did he really also say that he loved me too?...or was that just part of the dream too...but then....../ 

"...so...Ken...Where does all this put us now?...are we more than friends?..." 

"I guess so." There was another uncomfortable pause. During the span of this particular pause, Ken's mind, being the brilliant thing that it is, was trying to come up with the phrasing of what he wanted to say. It was something he had wanted to say about three hours ago, but Daisuke had passed out from the exhaustion and stresses of the day. No...the past two weeks. 

"Um...Daisuke, you really like me, don't you?...um...well, I...I mean..." Ken gave a little exasperated sigh, and tried again. 

"What I was trying to say is that, you know that I like you and all, and..." Seeing that Daisuke was thoroughly confused by what Ken was trying to say, Ken dug deep into his soul, and tried to borrow a little of that courage that Daisuke always stored in his heart "just for emergencies" he had said with a wink all those years ago, and in a manner reminiscent of Miyako, Ken ungracefully, yet effectively, blurted it out. 

"Daisuke, will you go out with me?" 

Daisuke felt torn. No one had ever asked _him_ out before, and definitely no one as important as Ken, his best friend. This was going to take some serious thinking. On the one hand, he still wasn't really sure of himself. Truth was, he was still very unsure of what was going on inside his head. He had pretty much figured out what was going on in his heart, since most people don't randomly go around kissing other people, but it was like swallowing a bittersweet medicine. He could either accept it, or he could just continue to deny it, and go out and hopefully find a sweet girl and get married and have kids and die of old age in his bed surrounded by his grandchildren. It would be the dream life that society wanted from a male his age, and he could probably be very happy doing that if he wanted. All he had to do was turn Ken down. On the other hand, however, this was Ken. The poor guy had gone through so much pain in his life already that he really didn't need another thing to add to that list. And on top of it all off, a part of Daisuke wanted to make Ken happy and protect him for the rest of his life. 

/I can adapt...I can learn to accept this and be happy...if it'll make him happy...I mean, I _do_ love him, and all.../ 

"Yes, Ken...I will." Daisuke let those words flow from his heart, yet, that same heart, while rejoicing, felt extremely anxious and uneasy, and his head sensed that trouble was on the way. 

  


  


By day four, Daisuke was beginning to really wonder if this whole going out thing was the right choice. After all, while he wanted to share his joy with the world, he couldn't bring himself to say anything for fear of what they would say. Every day at school was like torture. Sometimes, all he wanted to do was talk about Ken, but then that would draw too much suspicion. And then, there was Miyako to consider, after all she was still madly in love with the guy, and it didn't help much that she was still incessantly talking about Ken every day at lunch. It was beginning to feel like a tight-wire act. If Daisuke didn't like the feeling of being at the amusement park last week, this circus act was ten billion times worse. One wrong step, one wrong word, and the whole of his life as he knew it could be destroyed. And with no safety net under him, he had to continue being very careful in finding that balance between saying what he felt, saying what he felt and passing it off as a joke, and just outright lying. Courage in the face of a clear-cut enemy was one thing, but courage to face your friends, family, and all of society is another. 

Ken called him every evening, not that this wasn't routine since they've been calling each other every day for the past five years, but Daisuke couldn't help but feel a little mixed and pained when he talked to Ken. As much as Daisuke loved to talk to Ken, now it seemed that Ken wanted to remind him every day of that choice that changed their relationship forever. Not that he minded either...he _was_ in love with him, or something... 

/*sigh*...this is just all so confusing.../ 

On the first Friday night after they started going out, Ken called him, bawling beyond words. And it took almost an hour before he could calm him down and instill enough confidence in him that everything was going to be ok. He didn't like being a hypocrite, but...well, situations were just not the same for him as they were for Ken. He had said a lot of things that night that he didn't believe in, at least, not for himself, and that left him feeling a little...unbalanced. And since everything seemed alright again, Daisuke took it as a sign that what he had said that night were the right things to say. 

The second Friday night after they started going out, right after dinner, Ken unexpectedly showed up at his door. 

  


  


Violet eyes looked up the height of the mansion until they came to rest on the window of his boyfriend's room. The lights were out. He didn't really expect them to be on either, though because right now, at this moment, Ken was expecting Daisuke to be settling into the living room sofa, wriggling around until he found his favorite spot, and getting set to play some more Dragon's Quest. It wasn't the best time to come and do this sort of thing, and Ken knew that Daisuke might be a little miffed about having to get up from his game, but sometimes, there were things too important to talk about that can't be settled by a phone call. 

The past two weeks had been great between them on Ken's side, but he couldn't help but feel like somehow, Daisuke wasn't feeling as good about the relationship. Ken had called him every night, just as he had done for the past five years, but obviously, there was a different feeling now. Ken felt much more at ease, and this new freedom to express how much he loved Daisuke was wonderful, but something felt off. 

/I'm afraid I may have rushed Daisuke into a relationship he's not ready for. As if _I'm_ one to talk...though I _am_ a little bit more ready, I suppose.../ 

Things had not been as well at home for Ken in the past two weeks, however, things were definitely looking up. 

/It's been a week since I brought it up...and they seem to be taking it well. I just hope that they can genuinely accept it one day./ 

Ken closed his eyes, and remembered that day... 

  


  


"Mama, papa...do you remember when you said that if I ever had a problem, that I could always trust you to help me and support me...?" Ken tentatively asked. 

"Yes, Ken dear." That was his mother, always calling him "dear" or some other affectionate names. 

"What's troubling you, son?" And that was his father, who constantly reminded him that he was of the male gender. 

"Well, I..." 

"It's ok, you can trust us, sweetie." She gave her son a smile. 

"Well, it's...I'm worried about something...er..." Ken shuffled his feet under the dining table as he looked down at the slab of wood on four legs. The Ichijoujis had just finished dinner, and instead of his usual retreat into the sanctity of his room, Ken had decided to break the news to his parents. His mother was at the sink, washing up the dishes, while his father was sitting on the living room couch, getting ready to catch up on the worldly events of the day. 

"Um...I don't want to upset either of you, and both of you have been really good parents to me...and..." 

"Don't worry, Ken. We're your parents and we'll try very hard to understand anything you have to say. We love you, and will always try to support you, if it means that you'll be happy." 

Somehow, his mother always knew what to say. Feeling a little better and a little more confident, Ken told his parents. 

"Mama, papa, I am in love with Daisuke Motomiya." 

Suddenly, the room was silent, even though the water was still rushing from the tap, and the television continued to blare about the most recent suicide bombing in Israel. At first, Ken, too focused in his own thoughts, thought he heard the sputtering of water as he watched it flow from the spout with unfocused eyes, but as he snapped out of it, he was aware that the sputtering was the voice of his very upset father. 

"D-D-Daisuke Motomiya?! But he's your best friend, a-a-and he's a _guy_...Ken, are you telling us what I think you're telling us?!?" 

Ken took a chance and glanced upwards towards his father, who had moved from the couch over to the sink where his mother was looking a little pale. 

"I...I..." 

"That's all that needs to be said, son. Now, please go to your room while your mother and I discuss this." His father was obviously trying to remain civil and Ken could see the struggle in his eyes as it flashed anger, pain and disappointment. 

Ken tried to keep his composure as he walked to his room, but as soon as he was out of the kitchenette, Ken felt tears streaming down his face. He tried to walk the rest of the way to his room, but his heart clenched up so much that he felt as though he couldn't breathe. He ran the rest of the way, slamming the door shut on the way in. Ken locked his door. He felt that he just couldn't face his parents again for the rest of the night. As he slid down the back of the door, and onto the floor, Ken cried soft, soundless tears. He was determined to not let his parents know how much this hurt. It didn't take long before his will was broken, and he had to let _someone_ know. 

Ken walked to his phone and dialed the only phone number he could remember. 

  


  


"Moshi, Moshi. Motomiya residence." Fate was strange, but it could be merciful at times too. This was one of those times. 

Ken couldn't do anything but sob lightly into the receiver. 

"Moshi, Moshi...who is this?...moshi, moshi..." 

"D-D-Daisuke..." Ken stuttered weakly. 

"Ken?! Oh, gods, Ken! What's wrong?" Daisuke sounded extremely worried. Ken had never cried like this to him before. 

"I...I...told my parents..." 

"Oh, gods..." 

There was silence on the other side. Ken heard Daisuke breathing, but he wasn't sure what Daisuke was thinking, and that scared him. 

"Daisuke?...please...say something..." Ken was pleading. 

"Um...I guess they didn't take it so well..." was all Daisuke could say. 

"No. I don't know...I mean, they said they wanted to discuss it." Ken was trying to calm down, but his worried state didn't let him, and he continued to cry. A fresh flood of tears accompanied the flood of words. "I don't know what they're going to say, Daisuke. I'm afraid they'll reject me. Even though they said they'd support me no matter what and that they'd love me, well, is love enough?..." 

Daisuke quietly listened to his friend as Ken continued to cry and vent, letting out all his fears and worries. Ken was grateful that his partner seemed to understand. After a while, the sobbing quieted down, and Ken felt exhausted and spent. 

"Ken..." Daisuke's soft voice spoke to him. "Ken... I'm sure they love you, and they mean everything they said...I mean, they just want what's best for you, and they just want you to be happy, right?..." 

Ken thought about this, thinking about what his parents have always told him since he became "good" Ken again, then hesitantly answered, "I guess so...but still..." 

"Ken, I think that you should have a little more faith in your parents." 

/Daisuke seems to have faith in my parents. Why can't I? They've been nothing but supportive all these years.../ Ken was curious as to where the roots of Daisuke's faith came from. 

/Maybe he's already told his parents?.../ 

"And what makes you so sure? Have you told your parents?" 

"...um...well, no...but I will...soon..." Daisuke sounded kind of forced as he said those words, but Ken didn't actually think about that until much later. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Ken felt that he had some amount of confidence back. 

"Hey, Daisuke..." 

"Yeah?..." 

"Thank you so much...for being here..." 

"Awww, Ken..." Daisuke sighed. "Isn't that what a boyfriend is for?..." And Ken could almost see the silly grin Daisuke would be giving him right then, and tried to smile a little in return. 

"I...I..." 

"Shush, Ken. You don't need to say any more. Now I want you to go and solve some math problems or something, get your mind off of this. When your parents are ready, they'll come to you." 

"Ok..." 

"...and Ken, I don't... think we should see each other this weekend. Maybe we should give your parents some time to get used to the idea first." 

"Yeah..." Ken was disappointed to say the least, but he knew that Daisuke was right. "Do you think I can still call you?" 

"I guess so..." 

Ken had thought of something right then. He felt like he was at one of those emotion-counseling sessions. It was strange to say the least. 

"Say, Daisuke, when did you become the leading expert in people relations?" 

"Huh?...Hey, is that a crack on my intelligence, Ichijouji?...Of all the people, my own boyfriend insults me! I'm not stupid, you know!" 

"Yeah, I know." By now, Ken was all smiles. "I know better than anyone else." 

  


  


After he had gotten off the phone with Daisuke, Ken decided it was just better to go straight to bed. As he stepped out of his room to go to the bathroom, he could hear muffled talking through the door that separated the kitchenette from the hallway. Heeding Daisuke's advice, Ken stayed away, and tried to pretend that this was like any other day, and proceeded to get ready for bed. On his way out of the bathroom, he noticed that his parents were no longer in the kitchenette. Thinking they had gone to talk in the privacy and comfort of their own bedroom, Ken returned to his own. When he reached his own room, however, his parents were waiting with expressions Ken couldn't read. 

Ken joined his parents on the floor. This was something they had established a long time ago. Whenever the three of them needed to talk about something, they would all sit on an equal plane. It was his parents' way of saying that they all had equal say in the matter to be discussed. Right at this moment, the most equal plane was the floor. 

To say there was tension is an understatement. Ken's parents were holding hands, and Mr. Ichijouji looked like he was channeling what little energy he could spare into his wife, as she sat there trying to comprehend everything. Ken just looked at the floor, and tried to resist his urge to yell and/or run away. 

Three sounds existed in the room for the next few moments of eternity until they were drowned out by a fourth. The first was the sound of clothes rustling. The second was the drone of modern technology. The third was the sound of Ken's father clearing his throat. The fourth, well, the fourth was the sound of serious parental statements. 

"Ken, your mother and I discussed this before, a long time ago. Well, not this _specific_ issue, but this sort of situation. And son, we are going to stick to our word. We promised you that we would support you and try to understand you no matter what the situation. So even in this, we will honor our words." 

Ken was stunned. This was like a fairy-tale in real life, but _he_ couldn't have a fairy-tale ending in his life. It's almost like Daisuke was prophetic, and Ken just sat there, gears spinning, understanding that his parents were at least going to make an effort to support him in his choice. 

"Ken, honey, I know we shouldn't have done this, but we listened to your conversation with Daisuke just now..." Evidently, Ken's mother felt guilty about the whole thing. Ken wasn't all that surprised that they had listened in. 

"It's just that, well, I was afraid that you would disappear again. We both know how much you like to go to the Digital World when you're upset, and we didn't want you to leave without hearing what we had to say. So we went to your the door to make sure you were still here, and that's when we heard you talking with Daisuke..." 

/That's all true enough...The Digital World...if this had been only a few years earlier, that's probably what I would have done...run away.../ 

"...When I heard how upset you were, and when I heard all your fears, I realized that you were very scared of losing us. But in reality, _we_ were afraid of losing you. We love you so much, honey. You have to believe us. The only thing we want now is for you to be happy. We made the mistake of making you conform to our ideals once before. We're not going to do it again. So..." 

"Oh, mama..." Ken had heard enough. He knew then, as he enveloped his mother in a teary hug, that his parents genuinely meant what they had said, that his happy ending was real. 

  


  


Ken snapped out of his reminiscing. His parents had kept true to their word and were trying very hard to help their son. Every evening at dinner, they had tried to incorporate Daisuke into the conversation some how. At first, it was strange, and a little uncomfortable, but the progress each side was making showed that they were determined to overcome this obstacle together as a family. Shaking his head lightly, Ken chuckled to himself as he made his way to the elevator of the mansion, where he focused on the task at hand: the reason he came all the way to Odaiba unannounced. 

Looking back on it now, Ken supposed he was pretty stupid in doing what he did. Very un-genius like. What had possessed him to ask Daisuke out without thinking it all the way through? 

/Well, I guess that's what happens when you give a love-starved genius two inches and a glimmer of hope./ 

All joking aside though, Ken was feeling pretty bad about his irresponsibility. All the clues pointed to the conclusion that Daisuke wasn't ready to handle all the consequences and hardships he had to face. He knew he should have waited and held out until he knew all the facts of the situation. He knew he should have talked more thoroughly with Daisuke before making such a big decision. He knew...he knew that he always made big decisions with his heart. And that was the worst thing about him. He became the Kaiser, not because he knew what he was doing exactly, but because he wanted, needed to. He didn't even know that the Digital World was a real place, and he had decided to become a cruel, dominating, grotesque creature who had control and power over all. He decided to join the digidestined later, not because of some logical argument that Daisuke and the rest of them had thrown at him, but rather because he was sick of feeling alone. Even though he wanted to punish himself, he was also alone, and a part of him was too scared to face his punishments and consequences alone. So he joined the group to calm his turbulent and violent emotions. And now, he had decided to go out with someone, who, the more he thought about it, seemed like he just wasn't ready. 

/How could I have made the same mistake again? Poor Daisuke must be suffering. And if I know that goggle head, he's probably under some foolish notion that you'll do anything for the one you love. I should really end this _now_.../ 

And so, it was with that resolve, Ken found himself exiting the elevator and walking towards the door of the Motomiya residence. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


Notes: 

-Poor Daisuke. He goes from one kind of denial to another. He just doesn't quit, does he?... -_- 

-Daisuke lives in a mansion...like every other Japanese person who lives in a city. In Japan, apartment buildings are called "mansions" (romanji: manshon), though they could be called an "apartment" (romanji: apaato). In my (limited) experience in Japanese class, I've usually heard the buildings called mansions and the actual apartment called an apaato. For example, the name of the building Ken lives in, as shown in the show, is called "Tamachi (T.M.) Mansion." It would be cool if Daisuke lived in a mansion though... ^_^ 

-Sorry, Daisuke-lovers...I seemed to have focused a lot on Ken this time around (though Ken did finally get to have a happy ending ^_^ ). Next time, I'll definitely have more Daisuke. 

-Ken's experience with his parents is obviously a very ideal one, though it does happen where parents are extremely supportive, once they get over the shock. Interestingly enough, though, because the Japanese do not hold the same set of values as Americans, the way people deal with homosexuals is different. In the most simplest way of putting it, without getting in to a thesis paper length blurb (dang, I wish I could reproduce some of the stuff I have...but that would violate copyright laws...not like this fic isn't... -_-;; ), is to say that Japanese society runs on a "don't ask, don't tell" type of system. Since it's rude to pry normally, that sorta spills over into things like sexuality. But even that is viewed differently. Here's a little quote from the review "Pride and Prejudice" (see reference below). 

"...core notions of Western discourse such as identity and community differ in meaning and importance from Western contexts. 'Gay identity' is a concept many Japanese do not readily understand, and the idea that sexual preference is the main determinant of one's identity is seen as odd. Most people have no business knowing about the personal matter of their sexuality and coming out is often regarded as improper (Lunsing, pg.119)." 

Homosexuality is a very infused part of Japanese history, as recent as the end of the 19th century, and because they lacked the Judeo-Christian view in their culture (except during the American Occupation and one other brief time period in their history), their current culture is much more free and accepting in this aspect of life. Also, with the recent resurgence of gays and lesbians in the 90's and the establishment of a "Japanese Greenwich Village" in the form of Shinjuku, Tokyo, it's entirely possible that you could come out to your family, and they wouldn't even bat an eyelash. This doesn't mean, however, that everyone can accept themselves either. Just because your society's a little more lenient, doesn't mean that everything's all peachy. In "Pride and Prejudice", you get a little look (which is furthered in the featured book by Ito and Yanase) into the inner conflict that can occur because Japanese culture is at a crossroad with Western culture. Course, for the sake of this fic, me being an American writer and all, and I'm writing for a mostly Western audience, I'm going to focus more on the Western experience. For more interesting reads, in English, about history and personal experiences of gays in Japan: 

http://www.westernbuddhistreview.com/vol3/homosexuality.html - an interesting read about the history of homosexuality in Japanese Buddhism and how that affected Japanese culture from the 13th to the 19th century. 

Lunsing, Wim. "Pride and Prejudice." Japan: People, Power & Opinion, October-November 2001, 188-119. - a review of some books that deal with the gay experience in Japan, as well as a brief overview. Books and essays reviewed include: 

Ito, Satoru and Yanase, Ryuta. Coming Out in Japan: The Story of Satoru and Ryuta. Translated by F. Conlan. Melbourne: Trans Pacific Press, 2001. - a book I have yet to personally read, since it's a hefty chunk at $30 depending on where you find it (the library would probably be best... -_-;; ) 

McLelland, Mark J. Male Homosexuality in Modern Japan: Cultural Myths and Social Realities. Richmond: Curzon Press, 2000. - again, another one best found at the library for free...this one's expensive... 

All other essays that are mentioned in the review I will leave to the reader to find...gotta do /some/ work... ^_~ 

Happy reading! 


	5. Intermission I: Labels

Hihi ^_^ Another quickie from me. This was an idea I had as I was writing the next chapter (which I promise will be done in a little bit!) I wanted something to explain Tai and Yamato's relationship in this fic (and possibly in the show according to Toei, since they're always draped around each other in every other official pic, but they're straight o_0;;), and this monologue for 2 people came out. In the rest of the story, Tai and Yamato are 19, but this monologue is supposed to take place when they're in high school, so they're 16-ish here. Hope it's written ok, c & c is always welcome. I'm not very good with stage directions, so if there are any mistakes, feel free to tell me and I'll correct them. 

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed. It really means a lot to me and it's nice to know that people actually read this story... -_- 

Disclaimer: Yet again...see previous chapters if you don't believe that I claim nothing, 'cept for my storyline. 

  


  


  


  


  


Labels (a monologue for 2)  
akaisakura 

  


_Stage is dark, with only two spotlights that follow Taichi and Yamato at all times. Enter Taichi and Yamato from different sides of the stage, stopping when they are about 2 yards apart. They are facing forward. Both speak all the dialogue, except where noted._

  


Today I woke up with a question in my head. It wouldn't leave as I got up. It wouldn't leave as I ate breakfast. It wouldn't leave as I walked in the doors of my high school. And it most definitely wouldn't leave after I bumped into him. My best friend. We went through the day, each looking like there was a burning question to ask the other. Finally at the end of the day, we sat down and had some time to ourselves to talk. 

_(Turn to face each other)_

_Tai:_ "So, what's eating you?" 

_Yamato:_ "Nothing." 

We both look around, trying to avoid having to talk about what's bothering us. 

"Well, actually..." 

We both start at the same time. And then we both finish our sentence. 

"I was wondering if we're gay, with each other." 

We were both surprised, as we looked at each other. This was such a strange coincidence. 

_Yamato: _ "um...I was wondering if we could, maybe, you know...um...experiment or something. I kinda want to get this question answered once and for all." 

We both blushed at this proposal. Neither of us has had a girlfriend before. And we /do/ spend an awful lot of time with each other, not to mention that we are very touchy-feely with each other. And it's obvious we care deeply for one another. I guess that's why we both had this question. 

_(While walking towards each other, still facing each other, to end up at center stage:) _

We left the park...to find the answer to our question. 

_(Pause, then while their bodies are facing each other, they slowly turn their heads to face the audience)_

As we lay in bed, my hands wandered his body, as his hands did the same. Neither of us seemed really ready for what was about to come, but the bond of trust that's been there since we were little is so strong that I felt like we could handle anything together. So, with that, I close my eyes, and our lips touch. 

There were no sparks of light, no great fireworks that made me feel like I was dying and going to heaven. Just a simple feeling that this was nice. We deepened the kiss, and I felt his tongue caressing mine. We pull away after a while, and that's when I looked into his eyes, and realized that we felt the same way. 

_(Turn to face each other)_

There is just nothing there. 

_(In a light embrace)_

We held each other in silence, knowing we had just shared our first kiss with each other. Nothing needed to be said. 

As I snuggled up to him, I felt him respond in kind. So just what was it that we discovered? 

_(Still in an embrace, but facing audience now)_

I have discovered that what we have is special. 

We love each other, and care deeply for each other, but we're not attracted to each other. We love to touch each other, and snuggle together in private, but we don't lust for each other. We bring comfort to each other. He's familiar to me, as I to him. When we are together, it's like being eleven again. And nothing is going to change that. 

People can keep their labels to themselves. I've realized that what I have with him is something beyond those simple labels they have. I refuse to put a name to what I have with him. After all, labels are for cans. 

_(Taichi and Yamato walk offstage with arms draped around each other's shoulders)_

  


  


  


  


  


Notes: 

- "Labels are for cans, not people." is a quote by Anthony Rapp that I found on the internet a few years back. I liked the idea, so I finally found a way to convey the message...sorta like passing it along. ^_^ 

  


Well, I hope you all enjoyed this little chapter. Like a little bit of fresh air... 


	6. Chapter 4: Happiness...

Hiya! As usual, my updates are coming in later and later as the chapters get longer and longer...I really don't know why this is happening... -_-; And since it's getting near finals time, I'm afraid I won't be able to update for about a month...sucks... :( I'm sorry to all those people who have been waiting for the next chapter and I hope this chapter will leave you with at least a satisfactory feeling until my next update. Thank you Chisama, Lady S, and Kiyra for your reviews! 

_Chisama - Hey, that was really cool....never thought it possible to have a chapter so deep after reading less then 2 minutes. ^_^ _

Thank you! I was trying to say something meaningful in the last chapter, and you'll get to see how I use it in this chapter... 

_~Lady S - hmm...after being threatened w/ a sword (hehe j/k)...reading this fic was nice! You updated!!! yeah!! It's a adds a nice consistency to the title and the purpose of the fic...but...THERE's NO ACTION! Arg...they could at least...at least...ah, nvm. I'm expecting some action in the next update ^^ otherwise a cute lil addition. _

Action will come later, I promise...I'm not saying how many chapters later, but Daisuke and Ken will get their action! >:) 

_Kiyra - I really enjoy your story so far and you are an excellent writer. I also like all the information you set at the end of the story, I find them to be interesting and informative. I found the Taichi and Yamato piece something very different from all the Taito/Yamachi's I've read (Trust me, I've had my full share.) And I adored it. It was really something different. You've got talent and skill.(Like how you sort of answer things in the format we use in school. I hate doing that and would never do it willingly. XD) Please! Keep writing! _

*blush* Awww... ^_^ I'm glad you like this fic so far. And again, I'm glad you like the notes. Yeah, the way I write them does remind me of school...even in college they make you write stuff like that -_-;; As for the Taito...different was what I was going for...I don't know why, but the scene just begged to be written that way... ^_^; 

  


  


And as usual, the giant disclaimer is needed... 

Disclaimer: Characters with piercing purple eyes and spiky mahogany hair do not belong to me. Neither do the two cute ones with baby blue eyes and superpuff brown hair. Heck, everybody in this fic don't belong to me...but the storyline does! :P 

  


  


  


  


  


Ok, now on with the fic... 

When we last left the duo, Ken had made up his mind to break up with Daisuke because he felt that he had pushed Daisuke into a relationship he wasn't ready to deal with. Daisuke in the mean time, was playing Dragon's Quest XI...getting in a little game time ^_^ 

  


  


Chapter 4: Happiness... 

"Yes! About time I beat him!" 

Daisuke was patting himself on the back when he heard the doorbell ring. Thinking that Jun would get it, Daisuke continued to sit in his little comfy spot and went back to advancing the plot. When the doorbell rang a second time, Jun stuck her head out of her bedroom door, looking annoyed as she covered the phone receiver to yell at her pesky brother. 

"Look, could you get off your lazy bum and answer the door, Dai? I'm on the phone!" 

"Neesan..." Too late. Jun had already slammed her door shut and went back to talking with her boy of the week, or a friend, or whoever it was. 

Daisuke quickly saved his game, heaven forbid he would actually have to fight _that_ boss again, and trudged over to the door as it rang a third time. His sour countenance disappeared when he saw who it was. 

"Ken! What's up?" Daisuke shuffled out of the way as he let his boyfriend in. Ken looked at him and was sorely tempted to give him a hug, but unfortunately, he couldn't due to the fact that any one of his family members could accidentally walk by. Instead, he settled for a more than friendly look, and answered, 

"Um, not much...I was just wondering how you were doing, and I decided to come and surprise you." 

"Well, this is _definitely_ a surprise...wow...so...do you want to do something, go somewhere?" 

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk for a bit. I have a few things on my mind." 

Lights and sirens went off in Daisuke's mind. /Uh, oh. Ken's in serious mode again...and that can only mean it's something very important...and _that's_ usually something I don't want to deal with...but I can't just blow him off either...*sigh*.../ 

"Ok...well, um...wanna talk in my room?..." 

"Sure. That would be fine." 

Daisuke was definitely getting the feeling that things were not going to go well tonight. 

Game forgotten, Daisuke led his friend to his room. Trying to act as though nothing was wrong, he flipped the light switch on his way in, and promptly dove onto his bed, trying to get comfy. Ken was slowly sauntering in with an amused smile on his face, thinking that it was just this kind of child-like behavior that made the red-head so adorable and cute, but his eyebrows slowly lost their arch and knotted together in that look Daisuke knew all too well. Ken gently closed the door behind him with such beautiful feminine grace that Daisuke couldn't help but sigh at how sweet Ken looked. Ken turned around and softly walked his way over to Daisuke's bed, as though he was afraid of causing an avalanche. Daisuke just watched him in quiet anticipation, the pit of his stomach suddenly churning and spinning him into near nausea. 

/Why is Ken acting like this?...I've never seen him act so serious since the Digital World five years ago...What's wrong???.../ 

Daisuke's body shifted closer to Ken's as the dark haired boy sat down, causing the bed to sink in his direction. Daisuke's eyes shifted around the room, darting here and there and back again. He was looking at his desk, the chair, the mirror above his dresser, anywhere but the violet eyes that begged for him to say something. Instead, his eyes locked onto a picture on his desk. 

It was taken during the first weekend of Spring Break when he and Ken had gone to Kyoto for a four-day weekend, a little mini-vacation as it were, though Ken was really there trying to lecture about something. Course, the original plan was for Ken to give three lectures over the course of three weeks, but somehow, the people who had hired him couldn't find enough people who were interested enough to make it worth their time and money, so Ken only got to give one lecture. Daisuke was kind of glad that he didn't stay in Kyoto the entire break; that meant that they had the entire break to themselves. Daisuke couldn't help but wonder, though. 

/If he had been able to give all three lectures...and I didn't get to spend all that time with him...would we still be in this situation?.../ 

"Daisuke," The shounen in question looked up at his beloved. "I know we haven't really had time to talk seriously for the past two weeks with my parents getting used to everything and all, and I think it's time we really thought about what our relationship means." 

"What do you mean, Ken?...I mean, we get along fine...I can't see any problem..." 

"That's not what I mean, and you know it." 

"..." 

Daisuke looked away and tried to focus his thoughts. He knew what Ken was talking about. It was the same thing that plagued his mind for the past two weeks. 

/How do I convince him that I'll be ok, and that I just need some time to adjust?.../ 

"Daisuke...look at me." And when his partner wouldn't comply, Ken got off the bed, and knelt on the floor in front of him. "Daisuke...please...you have to tell me what you're thinking. We need to communicate for our relationship to work..." 

"Ken..." Seeing his friend on the floor, on his knees made the younger one feel ashamed that he was causing Ken to beg. "Ken, please...sit on the bed with me. This isn't right. I'm sorry...I'll talk to you...you can ask me anything...just, please..." Daisuke couldn't stand the hurt in Ken's eyes any longer, and he pulled the young man up into his arms, and onto his lap as he whispered soothing words to ease the pain. 

Ken slowly pulled away from Daisuke as the questions started coming in his mind. 

"Can I ask you something?..." 

"Yeah, sure..." 

Ken looked into dark brown eyes, ever fearful of the answers he might find there. 

"Will you answer me in complete honesty?" 

Daisuke's mind began to whirl, and he began to worry a whole lot more. He didn't like where this line of questioning was headed. 

"...Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?..." 

Ken took a deep breath. 

"Daisuke, are you really ready for a relationship...I mean, _this_ relationship?..." 

Daisuke looked at Ken with a stoic face and simply stated, "Yes..." 

And as he continued to look, his conscience and his heart gave away his lie and Daisuke slowly closed his eyes as he whispered out a sorrowful, "...no..." 

The next few seconds seemed to last forever as each of the youths processed that mournful cry. 

Ken's heart ached at the simple word. It confirmed his worst fear. The pain Daisuke must have been going through to accommodate him must have been enormous, and he wanted to do nothing but berate himself for his stupidity. But at the same time, it uplifted him a bit to know that Daisuke loved him so much that he would do anything to make him happy. 

Daisuke, in the mean time, was feeling awful. 

/How could I have let that slip?! I can't believe I just hurt him! Again! I know I hurt him again. He wasn't supposed to ever know. Stupid, stupid, stupid!.../ 

Daisuke looked up at Ken and saw pain and self-loathing cloud his eyes. Everything about this night had reminded Daisuke of how far Ken had come since that time five years ago, and slowly, he could see that it was all coming undone. Now was not the time to kick himself; he had to act fast if he wanted to save Ken from his slow descent. 

"I'm sorry, Ken...I guess I should've told you earlier. It's just that...I mean...you know I love you a lot, right?..." 

Ken gave a little nod. And when that's all he could get from the former Kaiser, Daisuke slowly sank into despair. 

"And I mean, I thought I'd get used to it...this is a new thing for me...and I'm not used to thinking I'm gay, and all...I'm scared of all the things that could happen if we told people, and I don't want to lose my parents, and... and..." 

Daisuke wrapped his love into his arms and hugged him tightly as he cried. 

"...I'm so sorry..." 

Ken's body remained emotionless as he leaned into Daisuke. His mind was busy insulting himself while trying to find a way to break it all off now, since he didn't want to put Daisuke through more pain by keeping him in a situation he wasn't ready to face. 

"Please, I didn't mean to hurt you, Ken. I know you're probably beating yourself up right now, but please...stop it. I love you, and I don't want to see you in pain. If anything, you should be mad at me...cause I'm the moron who couldn't be honest with you..." 

Daisuke's pleas became more hysterical when Ken wouldn't say anything, lost in his own thoughts. 

"Please, Ken...I only want two things right now...I want you to stop hating yourself, and I want a little more time...could you please give that much to me?..." 

/Ken...please...don't slip back into the darkness.../ 

Ken tried to understand the words that were flowing out to him, but it was hard to concentrate. He felt like he was caught in a time warp, and everything seemed to be coming in at a slower rate than it should have. Each word was foggier than the last, but slowly, his brain caught up. 

Time. That's what Daisuke wanted. Time. Surely Ken could give him that much. After all, he had loved Daisuke for years, albeit subconsciously, but still. What's a little more time? 

"Shush...it's ok...Daisuke..." Ken snapped out of his daze and hugged the mahogany-haired boy back as he leaned on his shoulder. "If time is what you need, then I am willing to wait for you. I can understand if you don't want to tell your parents yet. And if you want to take our relationship slowly, that's fine too. You let me know when you're ready..." 

"I'm not saying I want to stop dating you, Ken...I just want to get used to it all until it feels, uh, normal..." Daisuke pulled back a little and looked at Ken, hoping he didn't offend his love. Ken's eyes searched Daisuke's, searching for the inherent light within Daisuke that sparkled with truth. 

"Are you sure this is what you want? Daisuke, don't do this because you want to make me happy or something. Tell me what you really want in your heart..." 

"I already know what I want in my heart. I want you. I guess my brain just has a tougher time accepting what my heart wants." Daisuke gave Ken a little smirk, trying to cheer his boyfriend up, and to reassure him that this is what he really wanted. 

"Alright. If that's what you want." Ken tried to smile back through the tears that even now were slipping out to stain his cheeks. 

And they hugged as though nothing else in the world existed; each thinking that the one person in his arms was the only thing worth living for. Daisuke tried to capture the essence of his partner in this one moment in time, and as he inhaled Ken's beautiful scent, he felt his heart flutter. 

/There is no one else in the world. No one./ 

****************** 

It was a beautiful two weeks before Ken had that strange feeling again. This time, however, he was also wondering about something else. 

Friday had rolled around, and this particular Friday marked the first month, out of what Ken hoped would be many more, he and Daisuke had been together. Sure it had been a rough month, but that was to be expected. 

Technically, since it was a special day, Ken was hoping he could do something a little more special with his boyfriend, but as it turned out, Daisuke had planned for this day too, plans that he had for months in advance, and Ken had decided that his little Dai-chan's plans were too special for them to cancel. So, now they were here, after cram school, at Promenade Park with Tai and Yamato, playing soccer. Actually, to be more precise, he was playing soccer with Tai and Daisuke, while Yamato had contented himself to sit off to the side in the shade of a tree, playing a lazy blues piece on his harmonica. 

It wasn't often that the older digidestineds had time to hang out with them, mostly because of school. Outside of the few rare occasions, the only other times Ken and Daisuke had seen these two were at the monthly picnics with the other Chosen Children. College life was easier by far, but they had jobs now, and social lives to maintain, not to mention that Yamato's band was still kicking. So Daisuke was lucky to have gotten what remained of the afternoon and most of the evening with them. 

Daisuke was living it up, as he was way more excited about getting to spend some time with Tai than Ken was. Daisuke had to admit that it was a shame that Ken never really got to bond with any of the other digidestined cause he lived so far away. That, and the fact that he had mentioned once before that he felt like an outsider. 

/I guess there are just some gaps that can't be patched...*sigh* That whole thing with the Kaiser really ruined any chance he had of being one of us completely in that stubborn brain of his.../ Daisuke gave a little frown to himself, and squirreled this little bit of insight into his brain for later. Right now, Tai was kicking his butt and Ken wasn't being much of a help in stopping the brown-haired boy from scoring. 

"Time out! Ow!" Tai had accidentally kicked the ball right into Daisuke's head as he called time. 

"Oops. Are you alright, Daisuke?" 

"Yeah...I just lost a few more brain cells...what's a few less anyway?..." Daisuke joked. He turned to look at Ken. "Hey, are you alright? You seem a little spaced out..." 

"Huh?...oh, yeah... Sorry, Daisuke, Taichi. I'm just not really feeling up to playing today. I'm sorry," Ken said as he bowed. Even now, he was still extremely formal and polite towards Tai. "I think I'll go and sit out for a while." 

"Hey," Tai started. "Maybe you can talk with Yamato. I mean, he's got a knack for solving problems." 

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks Taichi." Ken turned to leave Tai and Daisuke to their game and slowly sauntered towards the musician. He plopped down next to Yamato, and listened to the mournful melody as Yamato continued his playing, oblivious to anything outside of his music. When he finished the song, Yamato let out a little sigh and looked out at the soccer field, and noticed that there was one less person out there than when he had began playing. That's when he noticed that the missing person was sitting beside him, absorbed in his own thoughts. He looked thoughtfully at Ken for a second, wondering if he should even bother asking what was wrong. 

"Yamato, can I ask you something?" Ken tentatively asked. 

Yamato blinked a couple of times. He wasn't quite expecting this. It was rare for the indigo-haired genius to talk to him at all, let alone ask him a question. It's not like they didn't get along, it was just that they really had nothing in common or to talk about. Something big must be troubling Ken, and Yamato didn't know if he could help. 

"Uh, yeah...what's up?" 

"Um, I was just wondering about you and Taichi. How did you two have enough courage to tell us about your...um...'relationship'?" 

"Well," Yamato paused for a bit, and looked up at the blue sky. He was thinking back to that day, and wondering how to explain how they had felt. 

"I guess we just did what we felt was right. I mean, Tai and I were always really open with each other and with everyone else...well, Tai is more than I am when it comes to everyone, but...well, I guess we just wanted to be able to be comfortable with each other around you guys without causing confusion. So, we just put it all out in the open... Why?..." 

"Nothing in particular. I guess I was just wondering... Weren't you two ever afraid of what we could've said about you? I mean, we could have said that you two were gay and that you were just hiding it, or something along those lines..." 

"The thought did occur to me, and I'm assuming Tai probably thought of that too. But you know Tai. He's not easily swayed by what people may think. Besides," Yamato turned and gave a small smile to the younger digidestined, "We trusted you guys, and we believed that our friendships are stronger than society's brainwashing." 

"Wow..." Ken was surprised at how much trust Tai and Yamato had in them. It's true that he trusted the rest of the group, but this was a level of trust that even he couldn't comprehend at this moment. It gave him some reassurance though, and he felt a bit better about the request he was about to make. 

****************** 

"Daisuke?..." 

"Yeah...?" 

"What do you think about Yamato and Taichi?" 

"Eh? They're cool guys and...um...." 

"I mean about how they act around each other and around us..." 

"Oh, you mean like when we were eating dinner?..." 

"...yeah." 

Daisuke thought back to dinner. Seeing how it was a nice day, Yamato had packed them a nice picnic dinner, and they had spread their blanket under a beautiful sakura tree. It was a good thing hanami season had just ended, or they would've had to fight for space. That, and Daisuke doubted Tai and Yamato would have been as...touchy...as they were. The two of them were being their usual selves, which meant that they were draped around each other. Yamato had been playing cushion to a tired Tai, who was leaning against the blond's chest as they ate. 

"Well, they're just being them...I mean, ever since three years ago, that's just how it's been." Daisuke thought a bit more and gave Ken a smile. "Actually, they're kinda cute together. I guess I've gotten so used to them acting like that... Why? Oh, wait, I think I know what this is about." 

"You do?..." Ken perked up, surprised, even though he shouldn't have been, that Daisuke would know know what he was thinking about. 

"Yeah! You're wondering if we're as cute as them!" Daisuke's smile turned into a silly grin. 

*blink blink* Ken was not sure what to say. "...uh, not quite, um...I mean we don't do much as of yet..." 

Outside of the occasional peck on the cheek, the pair hadn't done much in the way of anything physical. Ken was good to his word when he said he would go at Daisuke's pace, which right now was about as fast as the melting of a snowflake in the middle of a blizzard. 

"Oh...um, so then you're asking me if we can do more...like kissing, or something...?..." Daisuke blushed and looked down at the carpet. This was the first time they were actually talking about this, but Daisuke had figure a conversation of this sort was going to come at some point. 

"Well, I wasn't going to push it," Ken started to say. "Actually, that's not what I was going to ask about..." Ken was beginning to doubt if it was such a good thing to bring up right now. After all, he had let Daisuke have almost complete control over their relationship, and he really should be waiting for Daisuke to bring it up. 

"...Ok...so what is it?" 

Ken took in a breath, and slowly let it out as he softly asked, "How much faith do you have in your friendships, Daisuke?" 

"Um...a lot, I guess..." Daisuke was getting that feeling again...somehow, he knew this conversation was about to enter a territory he wasn't ready to deal with. Ken looked a little uneasy to him, and that just made the feeling intensify. 

"...Enough to tell them about us...?" 

"Well..." That did it. The simple question alone triggered the same feelings he had two weeks prior. He wanted to escape. He wanted out. But at the same time, he wanted to stay. More importantly, he wanted to make sure Ken wasn't going to feel all guilty again. This time, he was going to handle this the right way... 

So he thought about how to answer Ken's question. He was trying to find the right wording to make Ken believe that he would have told them on his own eventually. But as he thought about it, he had to admit to himself that he hadn't exactly had the most faith in the past month. Otherwise, he would've already told them. More than that, he was fearful of the reactions of certain people, namely Tai, who he still idolized, Miyako, who he was sure would clobber him, for more reasons than one, if she found out, and Iori, who even though was a little less straight-laced than he was when he was little, Daisuke still had no idea how the youngest one felt about gays. 

"...um...we can tell them if you want...I mean, I was thinking about that anyway..." That was the best Daisuke could come up with. And obviously, after the mess last time, Ken wasn't about to buy the statement without a little prodding and poking. 

"...are you sure, Daisuke? Aren't you afraid of what they'll think or say?..." 

"...Sorta...but you gotta trust your friends, right?..." 

"Yeah...but I mean, are you sure you are ready to tell them?..." 

"Yes, Ken...I have to some time..." 

"You're really alright with it?..." 

The more Ken probed, the more frustrated Daisuke became. This questioning was starting to wear his nerves down and he was feeling so tempted to just blow the whole thing to hell and just tell Ken how he really felt -- that he wasn't really ready, he wasn't really ok, and that he was damned scared. But he wasn't going to do that again. He was really going to try this time. After all, he had to keep his side of the deal too. He had asked for time and Ken had given him that time. It was time he started accepting things and started facing the reality that if he was going to have a "normal" relationship with Ken, he was going to have to do all those things that "normal" heterosexual couples did. 

/...And that includes telling my friends and family about the person I love.../ 

"I'm alright...really. I guess I'm just nervous and scared..." 

"Really?..." 

"Yes!!" Daisuke was really peeved by this time in the conversation, if it could even be called that anymore. And right then, in that moment of anger, Daisuke said something he really shouldn't have. 

"No, actually, I'm not alright! We'll be telling them we're GAY, Ken! I know that everyone took it well when Tai and Yamato told us about their relationship, but this is _different_!! They're not attracted to each other like we are...and..." Daisuke's voice dropped in volume. "...And there are things I'd really like to do with you one day..." 

Silence. The traffic roaring by outside filtered into the nearly soundproof room. 

/I knew it. He really isn't ready. He really doesn't want to face it yet, even if he knows what he wants for the future./ 

/Damn it all to hell! I did it again! Why can't I do anything right?! Ken's probably worried about how I can't deal with it yet...but I really mean it this time. I want to try...I _have to_ learn to accept myself _some_ time! I can't let what my parents taught me get in the way of who I am, or who I love!/ 

"Ken...about just now, I didn't mean to say it the way I did...I mean, I haven't really been giving it much thought lately. I know I asked you to give me time, and you've been more than patient. I really want to try...I need to learn to accept things and to stop hiding from these issues... You mean a lot to me, Ken, and I want people to know that. Believe me when I say that I really want to tell them..." Daisuke looked at his boyfriend to gauge his reaction. Then he suggested, "...Let's tell them this weekend at the monthly picnic. It'd be the perfect time while everyone's there..." 

Ken was shocked, to say the least. Daisuke had just done a complete 180 from what he had said only moments before. Yet, somehow, Ken could feel in the core of his being that Daisuke really meant every word he just said. 

"I...think that would be a great idea, Daisuke. Are you sure it isn't too soon for you, though?" 

"Yes, I'm sure! You know how I am when I'm determined to do something!" Of course, in actuality, Daisuke wasn't really sure that his usual stubbornness was going to hold out...but he had to make Ken understand he was at least willing... And apparently, Ken was buying it, since he said, "Alright..." 

"But I think we should take little steps...How do you feel about telling out partners first?..." 

"V-mon and Wormmon? I guess we can tell them first. They do deserve to know..." /...and they're not likely to hate us for it either.../ Daisuke thought to himself. 

"Ok, then. How about tomorrow morning...er afternoon?" Ken knew if they were going to do anything, it would have to be after ten-thirty...as it usually was with Daisuke on weekends. 

"Sounds good!" Daisuke smiled happily. He was so glad to have made Ken feel better, and he really looked forward to telling V-mon the good news. It would be therapeutic, and Daisuke believed that it would help get the ball rolling. Maybe telling the rest of the digidestined would be easier after tomorrow... 

****************** 

The next morning, the two lovebirds awoke to the sound of light rapping on the door. 

"Ken, honey...would you and Daisuke like some breakfast?..." Mrs. Ichijouji slowly opened the door and poked her head in. Seeing that her son and his boyfriend were still mostly asleep, as Ken was opening and closing his eyes in an effort to clear the fog, she excused herself and left the two boys in peace. She still wasn't quite used to the idea that her son was dating a young man, but she had to admit, it was very sweet to see him so happy. And in all the years she had known Daisuke, he had proven to be a very loyal, considerate, and protective person to her son. So in the end, maybe it was better that he was dating Daisuke than some other person. She smiled to herself. Ken may not have had the most normal of lives, but the stability of his future looked good, and he had found himself someone who loved him back with equal fervor. And for that, she was glad. 

  


  


*groan* 

"Ken...your mom's a really nice person and all, but did she have to wake us up?...What time is it anyway?..." 

"Good morning to you too..." Ken good-naturedly teased as he looked over the railing and read off the numbers. "Nine-thirty, Daisuke. Why don't you go back to sleep?..." Ken yawned and looked over at his love. 

"Nah...can't..." 

"Why not?" 

"cause...too nervous...excited..." Despite still being tired, Daisuke was starting to wake up fully. Today, he would tell V-mon about his relationship with Ken, and tomorrow, he will tell his friends...one step at a time...one day at a time... 

"Well, if we get up now, we may still be able to get some breakfast made for us. How does that sound?" 

"Sounds good to me. Food is always good..." Daisuke slowly rose out of bed to begin this day. 

  


  


"Daisuke!!!" The little blue ball of energy bounced into his partner's arms. 

"Hey! I missed you buddy! How've you been?" While Daisuke and V-mon were catching up in their uniquely loud manner, Ken was quietly chatting with Wormmon as he hugged his partner to his chest. 

"So how is everything, Ken-chan?" 

"Very good, actually." Ken gave his partner a smile that spoke volumes. 

"Wow...something really good must have happened, right, Ken-chan? I've never seen you smile so much before!" And the little worm gave his own smile in return. 

"Yeah. Actually, something extremely wonderful has happened. We'll tell you later." 

"We?..." 

"Daisuke and I have something to tell you two." 

"Oh, ok..." Wormmon didn't question further, knowing that whatever it was, Ken would tell him in his own time. 

  


  


"Should we tell them now?" Daisuke asked Ken. 

"Ooh! Tell us what?...Huh, huh?..." V-mon couldn't contain his curiosity and was bouncing around again. 

"Ok, ok...I'll tell you...yeesh! Calm down!" Daisuke laughed. He just couldn't feel tense around V-mon, it was as simple as that. 

"Yea!" 

The day had flown by and it was slowly approaching sunset. Daisuke wanted to tell V-mon more than anything now, and surprisingly, he felt he was ready to do so. 

Daisuke sat V-mon down next to Wormmon as he sat down next to Ken. He reached out for Ken's hand and intertwined their fingers. 

"You guys know what being in love means, right?" 

"Yeah..." V-mon replied. Wormmon simply nodded his head in affirmation. 

"Well, um...Ken and I are in love...and we're going out..." Daisuke looked to the two digimon, waiting to see their reactions. Both digimon looked back at their partners with hugely cute and innocent eyes filled with joy. 

"See! I told you they'd get together someday!" V-mon was all excited again. Wormmon gave a little smile and nodded. 

"EH???" This was definitely _not_ the reaction he was expecting from V-mon. 

"Yeah! I told Wormmon that this would happen one day! I could just tell from how happy you are when you're around Ken!" V-mon smiled broadly as though he had made the most brilliant discovery of the century. 

"I...uh...don't know what to say..." 

Ken looked over at a flabbergasted lover and sighed. "I think our digimon had us figured out long before we ever knew." 

"We knew it all along," Wormmon explained. "Back when you were still the Kaiser, I knew you and Daisuke were special, like you were meant to be together. I couldn't explain it, but it just felt right. That's why I went to find Daisuke when I needed help. I think that's why he was able to change the power source into the Digimental of Miracles, and why the Crest of Kindness showed when he was near it..." 

"Oh..." Daisuke thought about it. He did always wonder why Wormmon had sought him out...and why the Digimental of Miracles showed the Crest of Kindness before it shined in its radiance. Wormmon's theory made some sort of sense in that way. 

"Wait a minute...so you guys are telling me that all this time, you two were just _waiting_ for us to get together??..." This whole concept was still settling in Daisuke's brain. It was almost like betrayal! V-mon and Wormmon had known and they hadn't said a thing all these years! 

"Yeah. And now you guys have!" V-mon's eyes twinkled in delight. 

Daisuke put his other hand on his waist and cocked his head to the side in a mock lecture. "Did it ever occur to you two that we may never have gotten together? Or that maybe we might have thought it would be wrong to date another boy?..." 

"What's so wrong with it if you love him?..." 

"V-mon, I wish all the world was as understanding as you," Ken stated. He looked over at Daisuke and squeezed his hand. "Some people in the real world...they just don't see it that way. They think it's wrong for two people of the same sex to go out with each other, even if they love each other a lot." 

"Then I feel bad for those people." 

"Yeah...I do too, V-mon. I do too." As Ken said this, Daisuke felt a pain stab his heart, mostly because he knew that certain people in his life were in that category. 

Ken sensed Daisuke tense up at that statement and squeezed his hand affectionately as he tried to lighten up the mood. 

"Say, Wormmon, you aren't going to be jealous now are you?" 

"No...why would I be, Ken-chan? I'm never jealous at Daisuke" 

"...Just at anyone else, right?..." Ken joked, remembering Rosa, the Mexican digidestined Wormmon seemed to have problems with. Wormmon blushed a deep red as Ken picked him up to give him a hug, and Daisuke and V-mon joined Ken in his light chuckling. 

"He's got you there, Wormmon! Hehehe..." The blush deepened until Wormmon was the color of the setting sky and laughter filled the air. 

Things were beginning to really look up, and Daisuke was feeling pretty good. 

  


  


  


  


  


Notes: 

-As frustrating as it is I'm sure for readers (I'm sorry...I know this section's moving a little slowly) I want to show Daisuke's conflict with himself. Daisuke finally pulled out of denial and is starting to face his fears and prejudices, but he will have quite a way to go before he can fully come to terms with himself...It's easy to say that if you like someone that you should be ok with it, but in actuality, it's really hard to accept yourself and your sexuality, especially if you've been taught that it's not right to be gay/lesbian or bi. I hope I've captured the struggle a little bit. I know that for many people, it's even more painful than I portray it to be to the point that some people deny themselves the love they feel altogether. I extend my sympathy to those who feel this way, and hope that you can find a way to come to terms with yourself. Hang in there... 

-It's kinda weird...I'm beginning to write less and less thought bits...hmmm...I wonder if they're detracting from the story or if I'm just getting lazy... :( 

-Promenade Park...yet again, it does exist...The Japanese name is "PUROMUUNAADO koen". This is a lesser-known park, and is not where the world's biggest ferris wheel is located. That park is the Odaiba kaihin koen, or Odaiba Seaside Park. Thanks again to MSN Japan for its maps. 

-Yea! The return of Yamato's harmonica ^_^ College students in Japan have it easy...it sucks. But then again, they have a really hard academic life all through middle school and high school, so I guess I'm not so jealous... 

School life in Japan is very different from the States in that students try to get into the best high schools and colleges through vigorous tests that are held every year. People go to cram schools (think SAT and GRE prep classes, only loads worse) after school usually to go study extra subjects and learn advanced things so they can do well on their entrance exams for their high school and college of choice. But once you get into college, life is so much easier. Whereas before college you don't have time to get a job, students in college tend to have free time to get jobs. Though things vary by family, these jobs that students get usually aren't even for tuition. Most Japanese families will support their kids all the way through college, so any money students make is their own spending money. 

-Yes, there was a point to the last chapter other than I wanted to make a statement...heh. I wanted to explain Tai and Yamato's relationship so that the other characters could refer to it in conversation. But I wanted people to really understand the how's and why's of Tai and Yamato's relationship, and I didn't want to have to break the flow of dialogue to explain, so I wrote a separate thing for them. 

-hanami...the actual time varies depending on where in Japan you are, but in the Tokyo area, hanami is the time period in late April into May when people lounge and have picnics to watch the cherry blossoms bloom and fall. (Hana=flower, mi=to see) So at this point in the story, since Daisuke and Ken have been going out for a month now, it's the end of May, so hanami has just recently ended. 

-I like Ken's parents, and I really think that they were committed to their resolution to support their son. I think that they're also rational people, so Ken's mom is a representation of that. After all, I think most parents only want what's best for their child, and since Ken's mom knows Daisuke, she can see that Daisuke is a good person, and is probably a better partner for Ken than anyone else he may meet (which he is! ^_^) She also trusts the two of them in bed together cause she knows all about their relationship (family discussions around the dinner table, remember? ^_^ ). 

-The digimon were in on it! Um...I think that Wormmon and V-mon would know, or at least sense that the two of them are a really great match. I mean, just look at how cutely they play together and nuzzled each other after their first Jogress! That and I was always wondering why Wormmon searched Daisuke out for help...and the crest thing...foreshadowing of their compatibility in Jogress shinka?...heh... 

-Ah, Wormmon *squeeze* He's so sweet and so protective...and sooooo jealous! He wants all of Ken's attention for himself ^_^ But somehow, I think Wormmon would be willing to work out some sort of time share with Daisuke... >:) Just to share, in a Christmas song sung by all the season 2 digimon ("Mama ga Santa ni Kiss Shita"("I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")), while everyone else is listing off things they wanted from Santa during the interlude, such as chocolate cake and better wings (Patamon wanted that), Wormmon actually says that he wants Ken-chan! It's sooooo cute as everyone sweatdrops after that statement...who wouldn't?... ^_^;; Thanks Meg-chan for your lyrics translations! 


	7. Chapter 5: Truths

Finals went well, and a full three weeks later I finally get around to updating this fic. Stupid finals screwed up my writing schedule... :P ah well. At least I graduated, so now I'm FREE!!! ^_^ ...and off to Japan for a year to terrorize the mountainsides...er teach junior high students English... (*looks down at fic* ...gods help them if they try to learn proper English from me... -_-;; ) I will still continue to write this fic, along with other stuff (a FFX one and a Metal Gear Solid one are in the works...trying my hand at writing something outside of digimon, heh...), so don't worry... the next update will not take a year... I hope ^_^;; 

Next comes the section where I acknowledge my small legion of readers (aka: ego boosting time! *bad gameshow music plays*) 

_Aseko  
That is just SO sweet! *twinkles eyes* Kawaii ^_^ that is just SO cute and so sweet. Continue pleaze! _

Thanks. I'm glad you liked chapter 4, and I hope you'll like this next part as well ^_^ 

_Chisama  
Bwahahaha....Maaan, if V-mon wasn't so innocent, he could have weaseled SOOOO much money out of Wormmon_

Yes, but V-mon is cute and he wouldn't try to get money out of Wormmon...after all, what's mine is yours... >:) 

_allekto  
i really like this story. you're an extremely talented writer, which has made this fic turn out to be very realistic and emotionally powerful. absolutely fantastic... plus i love all the notes you put at the end- helps me a learn a lot. good luck on finals and i hope you can update soon awterwards. _

*blush* I'm honored you think that I'm a good writer...since I don't think so... (worships Empress and Kinslayer) but I try my best to make things realistic. Yea! Another person who likes my notes ^_^ Thanks for letting me know that my efforts are not in vain! 

_NiE  
Wow...so much detail, thought, and well-put sentences. ^_^ Very nice. Its well written, and isn't very much ooc. And may I say, its one of the best Daisuke fics out there. *^^* _

*blushes again* Thank you! Still wondering when you're going to put up your fics on ff.net so I can read more of them! ^_^ 

  


  


Disclaimer time: as if I really need to put another one up... :P 

  


  


***WARNING* This chapter contains a little bit of intense swearing at the end of the chapter. However, it was done out of necessity. If you are easily offended by the f-word, I hope that you'll still read the paragraph since it is a very important and integral part of this chapter. Thank you.**

  


  


So, to recap... Daisuke and Ken have now told their partners about their relationship, and it is now the next day...the day of the digidestined monthly picnic... How will the rest of the group take the news?... 

  


  


Chapter 5: Truths 

It was another nice day in the Digital World -- the sun was out, puffy clouds dotted the white splattered sky, and the breeze was just enough to bring the temperature to a nice sixty-five. But for a certain someone, he had little time to enjoy even this simple pleasure. Today was _the_ day, and Daisuke had rehearsed his little speech all morning as he tried to convince himself that it was no big deal. Ken was right, he always was. 

/I mean, look at Tai and Yamato...everyone seems to accept them... so it's just a little more with us, right...?/ 

V-mon was being his usual ball of energy as he and Daisuke walked towards the place where they were supposed to meet up with Ken and Wormmon. As they walked, the little blue digimon noticed the hesitation in his partner's steps. 

"Daisuke, don't worry about it. Just have fun today. They're your friends. I'm sure they'll take it a lot better than you think." V-mon tried to cheer Daisuke up, and was succeeding to some extent when they spotted a patiently waiting Ken and Wormmon. 

Daisuke felt a little better at seeing Ken, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel like even more weight was settling on his shoulders. He knew how much this day meant to his beloved and more than anything, Daisuke wanted today to go well. He gave his boyfriend a loving hug as Ken held Daisuke close, gently rubbing his back. Ken pulled away a little to look Daisuke in the eyes as he whispered, 

"I'll be right beside you, Daisuke. Whenever you're ready to tell them, I'll be there to take it with you." 

"Thanks." Daisuke sighed and tried to release some stress. When Ken said things like that, how could he _not_ have confidence to take this big step? 

******************** 

"Hey, Daisuke! Ken! What took you guys so long?" Tai yelled half way across the clearing while waving like a madman. Daisuke and Ken continued to slowly saunter with their partners beside them towards the group, relishing the last bit of uninterrupted time they had left before Miyako dragged, or attempted to drag Ken away for the rest of the afternoon. 

Yamato strolled up behind Tai during Daisuke and Ken's leisurely walk and calmed the hyperactive leader while using his shoulder as a headrest. 

As the pair approached, Yamato simply tisked and said, as he nodded towards Daisuke, "Hey, better watch out, Ken. I think he's rubbing off on you! You're starting to show up late too now. Not a good sign. Next thing you know, Bam! You'll start wearing goggles and have spiky hair and..." 

"Aww, knock it off Yama!" Tai gave Yamato a playful punch to the nose. "You hang around _me_ all the time, and I don't see you playing soccer and having bushy hair..." Tai turned around and stuck his tongue out at Yamato. 

"True enough." Yamato gave a little shrug. "Maybe I'm just resistant to your strange habits..." 

"Hey!" 

"...but I'm warning you, Ken. Watch out!" He winked at Ken and gave the younger digidestined a smirk. 

Daisuke's face scrunched up in a show of pain. "Gee, thanks. You make me sound like some sort of infectious disease," he stated. 

"Wow~! That was a pretty big word just now! Maybe Ken's rubbing off on him...hmm..." Yamato looked deep in thought for a second as Ken chuckled. "Maybe I _should_ hang around him some more then!" 

"Hey! Not you too, Ken!" Daisuke whined jokingly, but soon started to laugh along with the rest of them. "Well, maybe I just needed someone to bring out my hidden potential!" 

"Then I guess I'm doing my job," Ken answered, though he knew that to only be a half truth, since Daisuke really was naturally smart in some things... 

The four of them walked to what had to be the world's biggest picnic blanket. It had to be, since there were twelve digidestined and twelve digimon to account for. The most impressive part about this blanket, though, was that it was made completely from scratch and sewn entirely by hand. Well, most of it was anyway. The entire blanket was basically one giant quilt; each square told a part of their story, and nine of those squares, scattered around the quilt, contained a different crest. 

Tai had come up with this idea after reading about American quilts online and thought that it would be a really neat way to remember all the things they had gone through. At first, he had wanted it to be a secret, but he soon realized that he couldn't sew... That's where Yamato came in. Tai had Yamato help him sew all the squares together, and Yamato embroidered each crest onto the quilt. Then they presented it to the group and had everyone draw what was most important to them in the square, leaving quite a number blank for future memories to come. 

The older digidestined, for the most part, drew scenes from their story, with pictures of the Dark Masters, Whamon, Pixiemon, Tai's fight with Yamato, and other assorted pictures. Takeru even drew a picture of when Angemon fought Devimon and died. The younger digidestined drew pictures of events after the defeat of the Kaiser, as they felt uncomfortable bringing up something so troubling to one of their own. In addition to these, everyone had drawn their partner digimon in a giant collage in the middle of the quilt. 

Daisuke had drawn two pictures. One of them was a picture of himself, receiving Tai's goggles, and the other was a picture of him with his arm slung around Ken's shoulder and a silly grin on his face while Ken looked mildly annoyed. 

Oddly enough, Ken had also drawn two pictures. The first one was almost identical to Daisuke's, where Daisuke had his arm around his shoulder, but the second one was a picture of him as the Kaiser as he made Daisuke beg for the life of his "friends." He had felt that it was necessary to remember that because he believed that it shouldn't be forgotten. History repeats itself when it is forgotten. He also hoped that by drawing such a picture, he was letting the others know that it was ok for them to talk about that time, since Ken knew it wasn't something any of the others liked to mention. 

All in all, it's quite the impressive blanket once it was "done," and the digidestined had used it every month since that day three years ago. 

Takeru was sitting cross-legged at the edge of the blanket. As the four leaders walked by, he turned his head and looked up to say, "Hi" as Hikari waved hi from her position. Daisuke felt that familiar pang of jealousy... and something he couldn't figure out, let alone describe, as he looked down at Hikari, while she laid there with her head in Takeru's lap. 

/What the...? This feeling.../ 

"Hi, Takeru, Hikari-chan," Daisuke answered back out of habit and walked on. Ken made a quick mental note of this as he said his own greeting back, and followed after Daisuke. 

Tai and Yamato had stopped to give their siblings the required, "You two had better not be doing anything" talk as Daisuke caught Takeru's very loud statement of, "At least I'm not _GAY_ like the two of you!", and then spotted Iori's eyebrow shift in response to that statement. 

/Just perfect. This is just great.../ 

******************** 

The rest of the day went on, and other than that one statement from Takeru earlier and Iori's eyebrow quirk, Daisuke was feeling pretty good about their coming out announcement. He had a chance to play his rematch with Tai, and this time, Ken seemed to have actually been focused on the black and white ball. Also, Yamato had dragged him away for a bit and expressed concern for Ken, saying how Ken had asked him some "strange" questions a few days back. Miyako had hogged Ken to herself when he wasn't playing soccer as usual, and Tai and Yamato were inseparable. 

It was approaching the time of day when the sun was setting, and all good students went home for the day to get ready for school the next day. Everyone had settled down around the giant blanket for a few last words, and Daisuke knew it was now or never. 

He took another look around the circle as humans and digimon talked amongst themselves, waiting for Tai to call things to order. Directly opposite of himself was Tai, and to his left sat most of the male digidestined. Yamato was comfortably leaning his head on Tai's shoulder with his eyes closed, looking blissfully unaware of Tai's frustration at the group of girls and Takeru, who continued to gossip after he had asked for their attention. Miyako was busy making girlie eyes at a very uninterested Ken as Ken gave Daisuke a gentle smile and tried to reassure his boyfriend. 

"Ok, girls. For the last time, can we please get this meeting going? I know we don't have much to worry about anymore, but it would be nice to at least see if anyone has anything important they want to announce......Hey! Are you guys listening?!?!...Arg!" 

"Leave them alone, Tai, they're not going to shut up. It's true, we really don't have much to talk about as a group anymore you know..." Yamato grumbled into Tai's ear. 

Tai continued to breathe. In and out. In and out... 

"Uh, guys...I sorta have an announcement to make..." Daisuke meekly whispered. All at once, all the gossiping stopped and the chattering girls plus Takeru shifted their attention to Daisuke. Each person wondering why Daisuke was suddenly sounding so unsure of himself... 

"Um..." The attentive faces of the others stared back at him. For once in his life, Daisuke wished that they _wouldn't_ pay so much attention to his loud mouth. But it was too late for that now. 

/...one last look, come on...you can do this. Take a deep breath, Daisuke. Breathe!/ 

The little cheering squad in his mind urged him on. 

"Uh... I just wanted to say that you guys are the... uh... best friends I could've ever have." 

/Ok, so far so good.../ 

"And, uh, I want you guys to share in my joys and sorrows, as I have shared in yours." Daisuke took a nervous glance towards his partner as the little blue digimon gave him a thumbs up, at Ken and Wormmon, and then at Tai. 

"I...uh..." 

"Go on," Tai urged with a worried look on his face. This was unusual for Daisuke. He usually never made such formal speeches...unless something really big was up. 

Daisuke's final sweep around the circle approached Hikari and Takeru... 

/No...not this...why?.../ 

...and never left them as he said: 

"I...I...have a test tomorrow and I should really be gettinghomeokbye!" 

Twenty-three pairs of eyes blinked in a unison of confusion as they followed the retreating figure of one equally confused Motomiya Daisuke. 

******************** 

"Just what the fuck is your problem, Daisuke?!" ...and Daisuke knew that he was in a world of trouble. Ken, who is eternally patient and the bearer of Kindness, never cursed, and never with _that_ word unless he was really, really peeved... or... 

/Oh, gods...what have I done?... Please...oh gods.../ 

Ken had had it and he couldn't deal with it anymore. It wasn't just that Daisuke had left him alone to straighten out the mess and confusion he left behind, but that he had backed out and ran. After much apologizing and an awkward excuse that he had to make up on the spot, Ken had searched out his boyfriend, who he finally found sitting in the park, at their hang-out spot. All the trust and confidence he had in their relationship was already slipping away into the void of time, but what Daisuke had just done blew the last few grains of their salvaged relationship into the dark abyss. Unfortunately for both of them, that dark abyss was also the home of a certain being, sent there five years ago by a boy who thought it would surely die there. 

And as the conversation escalated into an argument fueled by anger and frustration between the two youths, the creature reached to climb up... one arm, and then another... one inch, then another... until at last, it took its first breath of fresh air in five years. 

Ken barely had time to recognize the creature... 

/You!.../ 

...before he was taken over... 

"You need to get the fuck over this, Daisuke. I will not stand to be your shadow, your little fucking secret as you fluctuate back and forth in your cowardliness! Live your life and have no regrets, or have you really turned into such a fucking little coward? You're bi? So what? So are thousands upon millions of other people in this world. You're in a gay relationship? Who cares? There are people just like you. You're so caught up in your fucking fears you can't even decide what you want anymore! Your heart wants me, but your brain's so fucked up that you'd take the coward's way out. You really want nothing more than to go out with a girl, don't you, you little fucker? You wouldn't have to face society and your parents if you did, am I correct? You're afraid that you're not really bi, that this could all be one big mistake -- a fluke, and that once you say it, you can't take it back -- that it'll brand you for the rest of your fucking life. Well, guess what? I had to fucking face my parents for us. I had to fucking keep my mouth shut and my hands off of you when we're with friends, and I'm the one who's had to sit and watch as you steered our fucked up relationship into a fucking dead end with fucking fear. I am so fucking sick of it! 

"I will give you one month, Daisuke. Decide by then. I will await your answer. For both our sakes, I hope you answer me and yourself honestly." 

And in a swirl and flare of a phantom purple cape, the Kaiser left a shattered and confused Daisuke on the green grass, never once looking back. 

  


  


End Part I 

Next time: A peek into their diaries...as Daisuke comes to a decision that will affect both of their lives... 

  


  


Notes: 

-Tai and Yamato in action! er... I think I may have made them a little _too_ touchie-feelie with each other... hmmm... -_-;; 

-Don't ask where the quilt idea came from... it just sorta came to me as I was writing... I guess I was thinking about activities or something (things to do/talk about when I'm teaching the junior high kids and the adult English conversation class), and I remembered that we made quilts when I was in elementary school... It's not that bad an idea though, but can you imagine how large that blanket must be?... o_0;; 

-I know I said that each of the digidestined drew a pic of what was most important to them, and we all know that Osamu was the most important part of Ken's life, but I think that Ken would probably have not included a pic of Osamu since this is a quilt for all the digidestined, not just himself. It would just be too personal I think. 

-Daisuke's initial feelings when he sees Takeru and Hikari... I think he would think that it was just the same old jealousy that he felt for her years ago, but this time, I think the real reason he's jealous is that he wishes he could have a "normal" life and relationship -- like he's jealous at how life seems so simple and acceptable to society for Takeru and Hikari. Takeru's also of no help when he makes socially accepted jokes about being gay (which just propagates more acceptance of these jokes), since Daisuke's in a precarious emotional state already... (something to keep in mind...I like to say that one should never assume that the default is that everyone is straight. You never know who you're insulting or hurting when you make jokes like that. And people wonder why it's so hard for people to come out...) 

-Ah, Ken...he seems to be fitting in a little better, ne? ^_~ 

-And then, he chickens out. Well, like I said, Daisuke's still got a lot of issues to resolve with himself. I think he's beginning to understand that, and he will finally realize what the real reason for his jealousy is. 

-The next whole section was interesting. Ken and Daisuke's relationship is in such a shamble that both of them have become the opposite of their crests. They're no longer happy, functioning people and have degraded to a point where their most inherent traits no longer hold. Daisuke's become a coward and has no faith in his friends, and Ken is now the cruel Kaiser again in his treatment of Daisuke. 

-Ken's dark side is embodied as the Kaiser. I tried to point out that Ken doesn't get mad often, and that this is the first time in five years where he's gotten so upset that he lost his usual control over his darker self and it took over. Foreshadowed by the numerous mentions of the Kaiser in previous chapters, I guess I just wanted to show how much it would take for Ken to completely loose it. 

-During Ken's rant, I know I used the word fuck a lot. I couldn't really come up with anything else that was that powerful sounding, and conveyed how much of a difference there is between Ken and the Kaiser. Like I said in my warning, I hope I didn't offend anyone... -_- 

-The painful truths are finally said, and Daisuke's going to have to deal with this problem now. Before, it was like they both didn't want to say it, and it was almost like, "if I ignore it, it'll go away..." but now, Ken knows it won't, and he's put up an ultimatum. We'll see how Daisuke ends up dealing with all this now that he doesn't have a choice. 


	8. Chapter 6: Anger Rising

I am going to say right now that I'm really sorry I haven't updated this fic till now (four months later...). It took me forever partly due to the fact that I was settling into life in Japan, and also cause I had the biggest case of writer's block! I just couldn't do the Kaiser thing for a while, and so I ended up writing tragic sap for Metal Gear Solid instead, which is also up here at FF.net... I'm in trouble. *dodges as the few devoted readers left throw 4 months old eggs...* Um, yeah... So I hope this chapter turned out ok. 

Now that I've apologized, I can answer reviews from people who've probably given up on this fic... 

_megumi  
fluff? what fluff? I see no fluff...I see angst, lots of angst, but no fluff. poor dai...and poor poor ken...what will happen to them...i sincerely hope you give them a happy fluff ending you've put them through so much...~.^ja ne mata meg _

Heh, heh... I _did_ say fluff, didn't I?... Well, I guess I should reword my summary to, "Lots of angst with a smidgen of fluff...until Chapter 9-ish..." But, yes, don't worry. They will have their fluff... ^_^ 

_Chisama  
Never, never, NEVER expected the Kaiser to come back.....damn you're good. Like how this story is turning out. ::brandishes bar of soap threateningly:: Come 'ere, Ken....you potty mouth you.... _

Really? You didn't expect him at all??... Wow... I guess I was better at hiding that than I thought... ^_^;; And I guess your soap worked cause Ken doesn't curse that much in this chapter...actually, not at all, though he does say some pretty cruel things... >: ) 

_Lady Pluto  
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! *grins widely* Y'know I was getting kinda bored with this fic as a certain point and then right when I am about give up on it... here comes a little shadow on my dearest Ken-chan! *dances around* YAY! I really like this. The note that you put in, I actually know most of them but they are still nice there! Get more out quickly! *dances her way out with the Kaizer* _

Heh...you too? I was actually beginning to bore myself too... -_-;; But I guess this is good. I've found a way to move onto the next part of my fic at last, and this part should be a bit more interesting, at least I hope it will be... I'm glad you like the notes, even if you know most of it. It never hurts to review, right? ^_~ 

_allekto  
oooh... plot thickens! very nicely done. it's good to know that they won't simply plow through their problems with unrealistic sugary goodness (which i've definitely written in the past -_~). and, personally, i'm not offended by the wording in ken's outburst. as you stated in your notes, they're slipping further away from their crests, so it's only fitting that ken should cuss a lot- the kind side of ken would never do that. beautiful! _

Sugary goodness is the one of the things I can't seem to write! *fumes about inability to write anything other than angst* I'm relieved that you weren't offended. I've never actually gotten a flame yet, and I was afraid someone would misunderstand my intentions and flame me over characterization... 

_syenite kai  
aaah! ken-chan is kai-chan! nu~! oh well, they're both still sexy. what happen next?! berry interesting story! _

Hee, hee ^_^ Guess you'll have to read to find out what happens next, ne? 

_Angel Ran (Intermission I)  
Hi ^_^ Well, I kept telling myself I was going to hold off from reviewing until i'd read all the chapters you've written so far, but I didn't last long. *^^* I just had to say how much I love this story, and how much I admire your writing style. It's amazing! I've never read a fic that's been written in this style before (the double columns and the monologue for 2) and I discovered that I really like it ^______^ At first, I was kinda sceptical of the double column thing, but I really loved how you wrote both stories, and all your little notes about the subtleties you added, and sources and quotes and things like that.....it's fantastic!! *excellent!* And, I especially like the quote about labels being for cans. -_- But I'll try to contain the rest of my rambling for after i've read the next few chapters....so you'll be hearing from me soon ^_~ So for the length of this review, I had to stop all this from bouncing around my head as I read the rest so I would remember it all! gah!! x_X; But, it's a pleasure to read!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

Angel Ran (Chapter 5)  
Nyaaaaa~aah!!! x_X Everything just went wrong in that last chapter....*sniffsniff* I guess Ken can only take so much, despite his initial understanding....I guess he still had all those doubts and stuff....(Daisuke, too) Sorry if i ramble on again for too long......^_^; *erm...* But, i really like the quily idea ^_~ It's kinda neat, and i like picturing stuff, so the description was well done! =) And, once again, i love your notes! They really give a lot of insight into what you've written! ^___^; It's just so realistic! (and, when i said in my last review that 'it's a pleasure to read', I was referring to your story, not my stupid review.....(geez, i should just stick with lurking about.....-_-;) But, I can't wait to see what happens! It's quite a situation those two have gotten themselves into! 

I'm glad you liked my story enough to review me twice!! ^_^ That definitely made my day! And your review is a pleasure to read for me! *glows from the ego-boosting* Yeah, Ken's only human after all, so he begins to lose it. We'll see just how far he goes in a little bit... 

  


  


Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. I do not own Digimon. I do not own Digimon. *continues chanting* 

  


  


To recap (since even _I_ didn't remember all the stuff that happened last chapter...): Daisuke chickened out from telling the rest of the Digidestined about his relationship with Ken at the picnic and was severely chewed out by a very mad Ken. Ken, meanwhile, realized that he's beginning to lose control and that the Kaiser is still very much alive within his psyche. 

  


  


Understanding, Part II  
Chapter 6: Anger Rising 

Ken stormed in his front door, throwing it wide open. He didn't care that his parents were home, sitting in the kitchen, or that he might have damaged his apartment in some way. At this moment, everything was something that was hindering him, and the door was just another annoying object in his path, obstructing his trek towards the goal of the moment. The only problem was that at this particular moment, he didn't know what he was going to do after his goal had been accomplished. 

When he finally reached his room, he took a look around and tried to decide what it was he was going to do. Minomon peeked out from under the covers and was glad that Ken made it home, but at the same time, he knew that something wasn't quite the same. He could tell that Ken had changed somehow in the last three hours since they, including Chibimon, had come back from the Digital World. Ken's lips were drawn in a harsh frown, almost as though he was scowling, and he had his hands balled up in fists. But the starkest difference was in his eyes. They were a hard, piercing purple that glinted like raw amethyst embedded in its earthly ore. He had seen that look before. 

"Ken-chan?..." 

"What?" Ken growled. As Ken turned his head to face the baby digimon, Minomon was struck full-force by the anger and sorrow in his partner's heart. He hadn't seen this side of Ken in five years, and he hoped that it was just a temporary situation. 

"...What's wrong, Ken-chan? Are you and Daisuke ok?..." 

"..." 

Ken approached his computer and held out the dark digivice. 

"Digiport open." 

Minomon quickly leapt off the bed and was just in time to sneak into the portal, following after his Ken-chan. 

************************ 

Daisuke, too, had stormed into his house, but unlike his partner, Daisuke lacked the complete anger and he was quick to notice that no one was home. After removing his shoes, he sulked into his room and closed the door behind him before sliding down the back of it into a pile of spiky hair and tears. Chibimon immediately ran to Daisuke's side and gave him a hug. 

"What have I done?... I've lost Ken... probably for good... Why?? Why can't I be courageous when it counts?..." 

And he spent a greater part of the evening there, crying tears of pain and regret. 

************************ 

I don't know what to do. I lost Ken today and it's all my fault. I didn't tell him that I was too afraid and today, it just blew up. I don't think he's never gonna speak to me again, but I've gotta try one last time. It's scary, but I think when we had that argument, he became the Kaiser again. I mean, I don't think he's going to go out and capture digimon again, but he was really cold and the way he kept on cursing, it was like he was a totally different person. I wish I was smarter at these sorts of things sometimes. 

Daisuke June 1, 20xx 

  


  


That idiot really screwed everything up now. I've tried to be patient, but what do I get in return? I get someone who's completely lost all semblance of courage and is utterly beyond any help. I was so mad that I entered the Digital World in anger for the first time in five years. Five years. I remember when we first met on the battlefield how he was so willing to fight me to prove that he was strong. Granted that was more for show to sway Hikari's interest, but it doesn't matter. What happened to _that_ Daisuke, the one I fell in love with? I wish I had never fallen for such a little brat who turns tail and runs from his problems. If he can't stand up for what he believes in then what is the point? I will not stand to be like all the other gay men in Japan and be a third wheel when Daisuke gets married to some woman. Either he changes or we really are finished. One month is plenty of time. 

Ken June 1, 20xx 

************************ 

Over the next week, Daisuke worked up enough nerve to try and face Ken, even if all he got to say was that he was sorry and that Ken was right. That's why on this particular Friday evening after school and dinner, he was over at his boyfriend's apartment. Daisuke pressed the doorbell and let out the breath he had been holding. 

/Oh, please, let no one be home... please, let that light be one they left on by accident./ 

But of course that was not to be. Mrs. Ichijouji opened the door with a tired smile as she welcomed Daisuke in. 

"Oh, Daisuke! Thank goodness you're here... Now, I know you're here to see Ken, but do you mind if we talked with you for a little bit?..." More of a statement than a question, and without waiting for an answer, Mrs. Ichijouji ushered Daisuke into the living room where Mr. Ichijouji was turning off the tv. Ken was nowhere to be seen. 

"Good evening, Daisuke. I take it your family is well?" Mr. Ichijouji asked. 

"Yes, sir, they're fine. I just came to talk to Ken for a little bit. Is that ok?..." 

"... um. Well, that's what we wanted to ask you about," Ken's father started to say. "You see, since about a week ago, Ken just stopped telling us things at dinner and started to clam up. Also, he's been going to the Digital World every night after dinner. And then, tonight, we asked how you were doing and he wouldn't say anything beyond, "Don't ever mention Daisuke to me again." Then he left the table..." 

"Oh, it's ok sweetie if you two are having problems, I mean, we all have problems in our relationships," Mrs. Ichijouji cut in. "But if you don't mind, please tell us what's bothering you two. We'd really like to help..." 

Daisuke looked down at the floor and started to count the thin slabs of wood tiling that made the floor whole. 

/So Ken hasn't told his parents anything... And it sounds like he's becoming more like the Kaiser, even to his own parents. This is all my fault... and I should fix this mess by myself.../ 

"That's really nice of you, Mr. and Mrs. Ichijouji, but I... I think I should talk to him alone. He might get more mad if you two got involved." 

"Tell us at least what's wrong..." 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Ichijouji, but..." Daisuke gave a sigh. He thought it over again, and decided that it couldn't hurt to tell them a little bit. "Basically, we're having a big argument, and, well, we're just having a lot of problems... and it's all my fault." Daisuke was very close to breaking down, and rather than chance telling them more, he politely excused himself and went to Ken's room. 

The soft glow of a computer monitor filtered through from under the doorframe and Daisuke knew that Ken was awake, even if no other lights seemed to be on. He knocked twice slowly as he slowly turned the knob to Ken's room and let himself in. 

"Lock the door." 

Daisuke obeyed as he turned around to seal his exit and let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. 

"I heard what you told them, Daisuke." Ken sneered from his chair in front of the computer. Minomon was hiding under the covers in Ken's bed. He knew from the minute Daisuke walked into his Ken-chan's house that there would be trouble. But he also knew this was something he had to let the two humans sort out on their own. He had spent the past week being Ken's support and venting block, but he could only do so much. Now it was up to the two of them alone. 

"I didn't tell them anything, Ken. I know you wouldn't want me to..." 

"But you've already told them too much!!" Ken interrupted. He lowered his voice to a gruff, forced whisper. "Do you realize that now they're going to do nothing but pester me about this? Well, do you?! They're going to try to talk to their sweet little Kenny-boy and find out how they can meddle in my affairs some more. I don't need their help. You're the only one that can determine how we live our lives from now on. I hope you're here to tell me what you've decided, cause if you're here for anything else..." Ken's lips curled into a twisted smile and Daisuke could swear that he saw the Kaiser again. 

"... I, uh..." Daisuke looked down at the floor and tried to gather his courage. "...I just came to... apologize --" 

"Apologize?!?!" Ken roared as he nearly lunged out of his chair, "Apologize?! Are you stupid, Daisuke? Didn't I tell you that I didn't want to be in your selfish aura until you had an answer?!" Ken drew back a little, suddenly aware that he might have yelled that a little louder than he wanted to as he heard his parents coming towards his room. 

"Ken, honey, are you two alright in there?" Mrs. Ichijouji asked, her voice muffled by the door. 

Ken tried to use his most calming voice as his face contorted into a snarl. "Yes, mother, we're alright... We're just trying to solve our little disagreement, right Daisuke?" 

"Uh, yeah. Don't worry about us, Mrs. Ichijouji. We're fine...yeah..." 

There was a brief pause before a motherly voice said, "Alright, dear. Just let your father and I know if you would like our help. We're more than willing, you know?" 

Ken was beginning to wish he could make everyone disappear. Why couldn't they leave him alone? He loudly stated, "Yes, mother, I know. Thank you for your concern." He heard a slight "um..." and then the soft sound of retreating footsteps down the hallway. "Now, where were we..." Ken leaned back into his chair and his face resumed his favorite smug look as he watched Daisuke, wondering just what the auburn haired goggle-head would say next. 

"... um, I wanted to say that...I'm sorry, Ken. I should've said something a lot earlier...and, uh... Please, Ken, don't treat me like this... I know you want an answer, but I don't have one yet --" 

Two seconds later, Daisuke's head hit the carpeted ground, hard. He looked up and saw his boyfriend straddling his torso while pinning his arms with his legs. Ken lowered his head towards Daisuke's in a scowl. Ken grabbed the front of Daisuke's shirt and pulled him up until they were only inches apart. 

"You're a little on the slow side today, Daisuke," Ken quietly growled from the back of his throat. "Let me repeat what I said earlier. I don't want you anywhere near me unless you have an answer to my question. I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses and apologies. It's too late for those words now." 

"I know, Ken... I'm sorry..." 

Ken let go of Daisuke's shirt and lashed out at the boy beneath him. "Stop saying you're sorry!" Ken slapped Daisuke across the face. "Stop it, Daisuke. You should not have come tonight." 

Daisuke couldn't stop the tears from coming as he started to cry in front of his boyfriend. With each passing tear, Ken hit him harder and harder. "This is all your fault, Daisuke. You're the one who got us into this situation. You knew I gave you full control of everything, but you squandered my patience. I should never have let you take control. Some leader you are. You can't even be true to your crest! How can you live with yourself?..." 

Daisuke stopped hearing the onslaught of words as he heard his own voice telling him the same things over and over. 

/This really is all my fault. I deserve this... Ken's right... I can't face the things that really count with courage... How can I expect him to respect me now?... What am I going to do?.../ 

Minomon watched the scene unfold in terror, and he had the strongest feeling of deja vu. He knew that if he let Ken continue fighting with Daisuke, nothing good would come of it. He jumped off the bed and tried to grab one of Ken's arms. 

"Ken-chan, stop it! Please...stop hurting Daisuke!" 

The little green digimon tried his best to digivolve, but couldn't do it as he was flung across the room by a possessed Ken. All he could do now was watch in horror. 

"Daisuke! Why can't I digivolve?! What's going on?..." 

"...Kaiser..." Daisuke managed to moan out in his weakened state as he willingly received the crazed boy's onslaught. "...Kaiser..." 

"No! Ken-chan! Stop!" Minomon was terrified. Denial wasn't a new thing to him, and he wished that he could continue to deny what he already knew, but the fear told him otherwise. "Please... not this all over again! KEN-CHAN!!!" 

Frantic screams echoed throughout the apartment until they engulfed all other sounds that might have existed before them, and Ken's parents rushed from the living room to their son's door. The locked door stopped them for mere seconds as Mr. Ichijouji threw his shoulder against the bedroom door and flung it wide open and a look of utter shock passed across their faces as they watched their son sit across Daisuke's chest as he threw fist after fist into his best friend's face. 

*********************** 

"What has gotten into you, Ken? This is outrageous! Even if you are in pain, this isn't the way to solve it. What do you have to say for yourself?" Ken's father was trying to lecture his son without enraging him further, but it seemed that Ken had his own ideas. Daisuke was lying on his floor, being tended to by his protective mother and that was bringing on some rather large amounts of frustration and irritation which he didn't intend on letting go, especially since, on top of all this other anger, his father was lecturing him. 

"Nothing," Ken stated coldly. "Just simply that he should stay away until he can give me a real answer. If he knows what's good for him, and I know he understands what I'm talking about, he _will_ stay away. It would cause us less problems if he were to --" 

"That's enough!" Ken's mother scolded. The ice in her son's voice was more than she could bear. Something wasn't right with her son. She could see that whatever feelings he had hid from her in the past week has finally surfaced and she didn't like what she was seeing. Mrs. Ichijouji knew that she had seen this side to Ken for a few years and she was determined that this time around, they'd stop it before they lost their Ken for good. 

"Ken, sweetie. We only want to help. If you don't want our help, that's fine, but please don't talk to your father that way. You know we only want you to be happy, and we'll do anything that will help..." 

"You can help by leaving this room and not taking care of _him_ in front of me." Ken said with revulsion in his voice. He had about had it with this day, and was very tempted to do something, though he wasn't sure what. 

"...How can you say that...after what you just did?... Daisuke's lucky to still have most of his face intact!" Mr. Ichijouji was beginning to become furious himself, despite his resolve to not loose control. 

Ken took one look at Daisuke before turning away towards the glowing monitor. Daisuke seemed to have suffered nothing worse than some rather large bruises and some swelling. Somewhere in the pit of the Ken's heart he regretted what he had done, but for now, he was still annoyed at the presence of three rather unwelcome intruders. 

"Ken..." his mother began. 

/Obviously, they're not going to leave me alone. Fine. They leave me with no choice./ 

Ken took his digivice out of his pocket and coldly said, "Digiport open." 

Daisuke struggled to get up. He lifted his head and stretched out his hand towards Ken. "Ken...wait...please..." But it was too late. The portal opened and whisked the chosen one and his partner into itself and promptly closed. Daisuke's head and hand fell back onto the ground as he closed his eyes and dozed off, exhausted from the physical and mental beating he had just received. 

************************* 

Ken stormed around the Digital World in silence for the fifth evening this week. Tonight, he was wandering around the Server Continent. When he was the Kaiser, he had full control of this continent too, but for some reason, he didn't recognize the area he was in now. It was a light forest with moderate tree coverage, but not enough to block the moonlight from lighting his path. Wormmon bounced along after his partner as he attempted to keep up. Soon, they were at the edge of a small lake. Thinking that he was a bit thirsty, Ken walked to the edge of the water and reached for a drink. As he did, he looked at his reflection, only it wasn't his own face that was staring back at him; it was Daisuke's. 

"What the...?" 

Wormmon took a peek over the edge and saw Ken in place of his own reflection. "I think this is the Lake of Truth, Ken-chan. It's supposed to show you your strongest feeling and who it's for..." 

Ken remembered hearing about this from Koushirou once. It certainly made sense that Daisuke would be in his reflection now, but he knew that it wasn't because he was mad at him. Deep in his heart, he knew that as much as he seemed to hate his best friend right now, he really still loved him just as much as before. That thought stung at his heart and tears threatened to burn transparent paths down his face. Ken walked over to the nearest tree and sat down as he drew his knees up to himself. Wormmon skittered over and climbed up the front of Ken's legs until he could peak over his partner's knees. 

"Ken-chan..." 

At the sound of his partner's voice, Ken remembered his other act of cruelty tonight. He unfolded himself a little to pick up his digimon and enfold him in a hug. 

"I'm sorry, Wormmon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you... Can you forgive me?..." 

"Of course, Ken-chan..." 

Soothing songs of nocturnal bugs filled the quiet space and Wormmon thought Ken had fallen asleep when he suddenly felt a warm droplet hit his head. 

"Why... Why, Wormmon? Why couldn't I stop myself?..." Ken sobbed as he held his partner, tears pattering on the little digimon's head. "Why couldn't I stop hurting him...? I was trying to pull my punches, but I just couldn't stop... Why can't I stop myself...? Why?..." 

Wormmon could do nothing but hug his partner back. Slowly, the tears stopped as Ken fell asleep, still asking himself the same question: why?... 

  


  


Notes: 

- Why did I include those two journal entries? I have no idea. I guess I was trying to show how they're feeling immediately after the catastrophe, and the only way that I could come up with was their diary entries. Sadly, I'm not sure I can work them in any more chapters cause they tend to make my chapters very long... 

- Some of the dialogue seems a little repetitive, but I think that Ken would really do this. After all the stuff they've gone through, Ken knows that the harshest way to hurt Daisuke is to treat him like he's stupid, thus the comments and the repetitions. 

- Ken's rant about how can Daisuke live with himself is more like a self lecture, since his inner self is still conflicting with the Kaiser, who is obviously more in control. I sort of didn't want this scene to come out the way it did, since it sounds an awful lot like domestic abuse, but that's just how it is sometimes. *sigh* I also didn't mean for Daisuke to be so willing to take all the abuse, but I think sometimes, people take more than they would if it involves their loved ones... 

- Minomon couldn't digivolve once Ken was taken over by the Kaiser. The darkness of Ken's heart is what stopped Wormmon from digivolving in the past, so its reappearance would stop him again. 

- Daisuke escaped with relatively little damage because Ken was still in control of a little part of himself. As he says later, "I was trying to pull my punches..." This little bit came from the original Japanese version. In the episode where the Kaiser and Takeru have their big fight, Ken whips Takeru in the face, but Takeru takes time to comment that Ken didn't draw blood, even though he could have easily done so. That leads me to believe that the kind side of Ken has control over himself, even when he's the Kaiser. He may be cruel when he's the Kaiser, but I don't believe he's psychotic and out of his own control. 

- I don't think they ever said where the kids ended up when they went back to the Digital World to defeat the Dark Masters in Season 1, but I'm pretty certain it's the Server Continent (the area they went to after File Island). I think that because Pixiemon and the rest of the characters from the Entemon arc show up first. Of course, I could be completely wrong... The Lake of Truth is the lake that Cherrymon makes Yamato look into when he tricks him into fighting Tai. The true meaning of the lake is that it simply shows you who you have the strongest feelings for... Hmmm... wonder what that really means about Yamato and Tai...? >: ) 

  


Thanks for reading! ^_^ Until next time... (which will hopefully be next month...) 


	9. Chapter 7: Mounting Frustrations

akai: Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!! This is your present from me ^_^ And happy one year anniversary to this fic! (Wow, I never knew I could keep at something for longer than ten seconds... O.O;; )  
Ken: ... *glare* You are insanely late.  
akai: ...only by a month this time... better than three, right...? ^_^;;  
Daisuke: Yeah, cut her some slack, Ken. Not everyone can be punctual like you!  
akai: Let's not get started on that now, shall we?...  
Ken: You should still apologize, you know...  
akai: Yes, your Kaiser-ship... -_-;;  
Ken: *glare* 

Ok, I'm really, really sorry that this chapter's really late. I know I said I'd update in a month, but it's been two now, and I really have no excuse other than life's been busy, as usual, and I've not been writing, and have instead, been spending my free time reading Hikaru no Go... -_-;; GOMEEEEEEN, everybody!!! I'll work harder to update in a month next time! 

In other news, I finally finished watching all of Digimon Adventure and Digimon 02 in Japanese! ^_^ *happy!!* They definitely changed some things in the English version... For example, you know the part right before Daisuke and Ken first jogress (DNA digivolve) outside of the Kaiser's fortress when it's about to blow up? Right in that part, the dialogue never made sense to me, and now I know why. In the original, Ken was actually quite depressed and, not really suicidal per se but, he actually said that maybe it'd be better if he was gone, and that he'd cause his family less pain that way... as though no one would miss him, so it didn't matter if he and Stingmon recklessly run into fights. And another great example is how in the original, they really stress that Daisuke could understand Ken's heart from the moment he touched the golden digimental, and the understanding only deepened when they jogressed. Daisuke said this in no less than four episodes. It's pretty cool ^_^ 

akai: *whispers* ...Did that info appease the fans??   
Ken: akai! It's not about "appeasing the fans" as you put it!  
akai: :P  


  


  


_Chisama  
Sup Sensei~! ^_^ Once again, excellent chapter....I'm glad you did add the journal entries in, gave interesting insight to their thoughts. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for....Daisuke losing courage or Ken losing Kindness...::sOb:: _

I feel bad for both of them... and by the end of this chapter, I'm not sure if you can feel bad for one more than the other... or, so it is in my biased opinion :P I'm glad you liked the journals. I'll try to work in more of them later... no promises though... -_- 

_syenite kai   
*dances happily* it's updated it's updated! and for the first time in my whole obssessed with ken-chan career, i will say this: "DAMN YOU, KEN-CHAN!" *coughs* sad to say, ken-chan's a bastaaaaard~! well, the kaizer side of him.. kinda.. in a way. uh, yeah. poor dai-chan is battered and bruised!! *sniffles* and this review makes no sense... i'm hoping to see more of this :D _

Heh, heh, heh... >:) I've made someone say that Ken's a bastard! Yes! I've accomplished my goal for the last chapter! (should I have said that??) ^_^;; No, but really, I was trying very hard to make Ken as evil as possible without pushing my PG-13 rating up to R. I didn't have a rape planned or anything, but I had originally wanted even more abuse than what I had eventually written. So I'm really happy you said that! It's good to know I got my thoughts across well enough and still have it be PG-13... ^_^ 

... and yes, your review did make sense ^_^ 

_Angel Ran   
Yaaaaay! A new chapter!!! *^^* I'm soooo happeeeeeeee~~y!!!!!!!!!!!! (i know, i spelt it wrong on purpose) And, you actually noticed my comment...*sniffs in happiness* I feel so loved =^__^= Anywho, I'm so glad you finally updated. I've been a little sad cause none of my favourite fics have been updated, so i've been moping around reading stuff i've already read. Not boring, but I prefer new parts.....  
Anyways, I really liked the new developments in this chapter. ^_~ Poor Ken-chan!! and, poor Daisuke!! He got all beaten up! It does almsot sound like domestic violence, but I guess Daisuke would take a lot if it was for Ken *sniff* I hope things work out between them!! Daisuke had better realize that Ken is just gonna keep hurting him until something happens (write more! i wanna know!), so ....hold on Daisuke!! *cries* And Ken-chan!!! *sniffles* .....Thank goodness you updated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *flees the scene*.... -_- _

New parts are always good, ne? ^_~ And yes, I noticed your comment ^_^ I figure that if people are nice enough to review me, especially twice in one sitting, I should acknowledge them in return ^_^ Sides, I always liked it when other authors included responses to people cause it felt nice ^_^ Ah, Daisuke. He'll realize that things have to change soon, but being the stubborn headed person that he is, there's going to be a tough time getting there... (and a chapter in this fic without angst and denial?! What would I have to be on for that to happen? ^_~ ) And Ken needs a hug... and a shrink... *sigh* poor Ken... poor Daisuke... Don't get too depressed as you're reading, now, you hear? ^_~ 

_Moonlit Eyes1x2x1  
OMG! I thought that either you died or this was yet another abadoned Kensuke/Daiken fic! Thank goddess you updated! Throughout the beginning I had kept telling myself "I can't read this, I can't!" Just so much angst! But knowing me, I ended up reading it all with a hunger for more...well, I hopes you update again soon! Ja! _

No... no death for me... yet... still have another, what... sixty years... maybe?... if I'm lucky... ^_^;; However, I am glad that you're still reading this fic! I would've forgotten about it... -_-;; As for angst, that seems to be my trademark, huh? Too bad I can't write anything else... -_-;; I need to get to the fluff of this fic... but I'm afraid of how that'll turn out too... I'm so sad... But anyhow, I'm glad you like it, and here's more fic to fulfill your angsty needs and for your reading pleasure! ^_^ 

_allekto  
oh so sad... poor Ken. hell- poor Daisuke too. *shakes head* it's still amazing. honestly, the self lecture was almost creepy- very well written but creepy, because Ken would know exactly what his partner is thinking. i hope Daisuke gets a grip i really REALLY hope so... if for no other reason than the simple fact that a sad Wormmon is quite possibly one of the most depressing things ever. droopy little antennae and those big soulful eyes looking at Ken... hope you add to this soon!!! _

Ah, yes, the update has occurred... the once in a blue moon event has happened! ^_^ Daisuke'll get a grip... eventually. Pretty soon, actually, when compared to the length of the rest of this fic... -_-;; I don't want to see Wormmon cry some more either! If you've ever seen the Japanese version, his voice is so cute that it breaks your heart to hear him close to tears... *sniffle* Hope you like this chapter! 

_New Obsessions   
It's 3:45AM on daylights savings time...day.(Wow, what a weird sentence.) And I read your fic straight through right away. I LOVE IT! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WAIT A MONTH! *wails* I REALLY LIKE IT! AND YOUR NOTES! *bows* BRAVI! _

GOMEN!!!! I made you wait two months -_- I'm getting worse and worse, I'm afraid. I used to be able to do one chapter a month, but now... WAAAAAA!!!! However, I am glad you like the notes ^_^ *blush* Enjoy! 

_Joey Rose   
WWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE   
MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _ [slightly paraphrased... -_-;; ] 

Uh, ok.. ^_^ here's more! Don't worry, I won't abandon this work unless I die... It just may _seem_ like I've died... @_@;; I do hope, however, that this chapter was worth the wait... -_-;; 

  


  


So, now, on with more of your regularly scheduled programming! ^_^;; 

Disclaimer: The usual... don't own the characters, do own the plot, not for profit, etc, etc... 

  


  


To recap: Daisuke and Ken just had a really bad fight that resulted in Ken physically and mentally hurting his boyfriend, while Daisuke thinks that everything up to this point is all his fault, and his alone. Ken's parents are now aware that something is wrong, but still have no idea as to why the two lovebirds suddenly turned into enemies. Ken ran away to the Digital World to escape his parents' prying questions, and the true Ken is suffering in his heart as the Kaiser seems to have more control of himself at this point than he does. 

Ok, hold on! Here we go! ^_^ 

  


  


Understanding  
Chapter 7: Mounting Frustrations 

*beep* 

Ken's D-terminal gave a little noise as it received a new email, and about ten minutes later, it gave another little beep. Ken, however, was asleep and didn't hear the little sounds as they resonated around the clearing. Wormmon woke up and was going to wake Ken, but thought better of it as he saw his partner sleeping so peacefully under the soft glow of a digital moon and stars. The little digimon slipped out of Ken's arms, left his partner a brief message in the soft dirt ground, and went in search of his other half, hoping that they could come up with something that would help their partners reconcile. 

  


  


"V-mon?... V-mon...?" Wormmon gently nudged his jogress partner awake. Slowly, the blue digimon woke up, blinking his large red eyes slowly in an attempt to clear his vision and see why his partner was waking him up in the middle of the night. 

"What is it, Wormmon?..." V-mon groggily asked. "You just woke me up from a great dream about an eating contest Daisuke and I were about to win..." V-mon wanted to go back to sleep and maybe salvage what remained of the wonderful dream. 

"Ken-chan and Daisuke had a really bad fight today." 

This simple statement drew a worried look from the blue digimon. V-mon knew that Daisuke and Ken were going through a rough time in their relationship, but he was hoping that it would have blown over by now. Daisuke wasn't someone to hold a grudge, and Ken was usually pretty forgiving too. 

"A fight?... How bad was it?..." 

"Really bad... Ken beat Daisuke up pretty badly..." Wormmon cast his eyes downwards as if it was all his fault that his friend's partner was injured. V-mon didn't know what to say. He certainly didn't blame Wormmon, but he wondered why his friend wasn't able to stop the two boys from fighting. 

"What happened?... Why couldn't you stop them?..." 

Wormmon just continued to stare at the ground. Minutes passed, and V-mon was beginning to get more and more worried. Only something really bad could traumatize Wormmon this much, and V-mon was beginning to dread the answer to his question. 

"...Kaiser... It was the Kaiser..." Wormmon sniffled out between teardrops that had begun to fall. "I couldn't stop him... He was the Kaiser again..." 

V-mon reached over to give his partner a hug. He wasn't quite shaking, but he was torn between feelings of anger, fear, and sadness, and it showed in the way he held the green digimon. Tears of his own threatened to spill out but he held them back. Wormmon needed comforting, not more tears. So V-mon just held his other half there in the field under the stars until he felt Wormmon relax a little. Then he suggested the only thing he could. 

"Let's go find Agumon and Gabumon. I think we need help on this one..." 

  


  


Ken woke up at a time way later than he was used to as he squinted up into the mid-day sun. The first thing he noticed was that his partner was missing. His worries were quickly alleviated when he saw the message Wormmon had left for him. However, his anger began to flare up again at the thought of Wormmon talking to V-mon, as that meant that he was indirectly talking with Daisuke. He finished reading the message. 

"P.S. You got two emails, Ken-chan! (^_^) " 

Not that he wouldn't have checked his email next, but it was nice to know that he had received some. Ken just hoped that one of them wasn't Daisuke begging for forgiveness again. 

Ken opened his D-terminal and navigated his way to the email function and glanced at the email addresses before clicking on them. To his surprise, they were emails from his homestay family. 

Dear Ken, 

Hi! How are things in Japan? I hope you're doing alright. I'm ok. I just graduated from college so I'm at home for the summer until I go to Japan! I just found out I'm going to live in Johana-machi. I don't really know where that is, or how far that is from Tokyo, but I will try to visit you sometime. So what's up with you? Find a girlfriend yet? I'm sure there are girls around you all the time. Ok, I'm off, but let me know what's up!! ^_^ 

Morgan 

P.S. My little brother says, "hi!!!" 

  


  


Hey, Ken! 

Just dropping you a quick line. Gotta get back to studying... grrr. How's life in Tokyo? Have you adjusted to high school life yet? I'm finally out of school for the summer in a few days, so it's all cool. Last time, you said that you don't get out of school 'till the middle of July. Sucks for you! :P My sis's definitely coming, so you'd better watch out! I'd hide if I were you. How's your English coming along? Sorry if I'm writing stuff you don't understand, but I hope you'd at least remember a few of the things we taught you, even if that was last year. 

This summer, I'm going to China for a month. Is that cool or what?! Too bad I can't make a pit stop in Japan. It'd be cool to see you again. I still got that picture from when you stayed with us. Do you still have all that hair? I hope you don't still look like a girl ;) 

Catch you later... 

Jon 

  


  


Ken smiled as he looked up at the blue sky. He hadn't heard from Jon in almost a month. Jon had begun studying for finals, so he had said that he wouldn't be online as much. Even though Jon was in high school, he had to study extra hard because of his parents. 

Ken remembered his homestay experience well, as it had only been a year since he went to America. Every summer, Tamachi Junior High sent about ten third-year students to America for a week and a half to experience American life and to see the sights. He had stayed for a few days with this family, the Hatters, and hit it off with their son, Jon, who was also sixteen, and his older sister, Morgan, who was twenty-two, neither of whom were digidestined, oddly enough. Ken could tell that Mr. and Mrs. Hatters were strict parents, but thought they were quite pleasant. So, ever since last year, Ken had been writing to Jon on and off, and to Morgan when she wrote him. 

It always took him a long time to write back, however. As with most languages, Ken found it easier to read English than to write or speak it. And now that the Dark Spore was no longer active, it was getting increasingly difficult to do all the things he used to be able to do with ease. Even math problems that used to be easy were slowly becoming a challenge. It also seemed that with each passing year, the speed of his deterioration was increasing. Ken worked extra hard to compensate as he still held himself to high standards, but he was beginning to lose hope. 

Just thinking about this was enough to bring his high spirits down a bit. 

/One more frustration to add to the pile, huh? Why is my life so cursed? I thought it was going to be alright, but.../ 

Ken gave a little sigh and stood up. He didn't want to sit and think anymore. Thinking would only bring him down some more. 

/Wormmon, where are you?... I hope you come back soon. Please. I don't want to be alone right now... I don't want to think, I don't want to dwell on things I can't change... What am I going to do...?/ 

Shaking his head, Ken walked to the lake and cleaned up a bit. He then decided he would spend the remainder of the morning composing replies to Jon and Morgan, even if he didn't have his dictionary. At least it would keep his mind busy... 

  


  


Daisuke stared at his ceiling and tried to continue counting from where he last left off a little over a month ago. Gods, it seemed like it was forever and a day ago that he was lying here, in his bed, counting the invisible bubbles of air in the paint. The left side of his head still ached from Ken's beating and he winced as he gingerly touched the spot right under his eye. He was sure he had a not so pretty black and purple rose blossoming there. He didn't know for sure, since as soon as he got home, he had snuck off to his room and promptly fell asleep again. That, and he hadn't actually gotten out of bed yet today, so he was a little worried about what he'd find once he looked into his mirror. Daisuke gave a little sigh. It was times like this that he was glad for quiet Saturday mornings. Jun was out, probably hanging out with her college girl friends already, and his parents, well, he wasn't quite sure. His mother was probably out shopping at the super and his father was probably sleeping in, just like he was supposedly doing. 

Thoughts of his parents only served to bring back thoughts of last night, though. Daisuke stopped counting as his vision slowly blurred and his mind drifted into the past. 

  


  


"Ugh..." Daisuke groaned and sat up on the bed. Almost immediately, Mrs. Ichijouji was at his side, fussing over him, asking him if he needed another ice pack or some pain medication. 

"Oh, Daisuke, sweetie... You're awake. Thank goodness! Do you need anything?... Can I get you some ice? Does it still hurt much? Would you like some aspirin?..." 

"I'm ok..." 

"No, really, sweetie...it's no trouble at all! I'm terribly sorry about Ken. I wish we could've helped more..." 

Daisuke looked down over the railing and into Mrs. Ichijouji's eyes and said again, "I'm ok. Really..." And then he slowly lowered his head some more. He wondered how Ken was doing and where he was. 

"Daisuke, do you think you need to go to the hospital? Does it feel like anything's broken?..." Ken's father had joined his wife and was looking up at Daisuke with concern. "We didn't take you there because we didn't know if you had told your parents yet. We weren't sure how much we could explain to them. Forgive us. I hope you're alright..." 

Daisuke faced the two adults and tried his best to smile for them, but his smile turned into a grimace of pain as the left side of his face refused to let him. Nevertheless, he repeated yet again, "I'm ok." Yet, he really wasn't. He had felt the bottom of his heart drop out at the mention of his parents. He wasn't sure what he was going to tell them, and how he was going to explain why he was suddenly showing up at home with what's probably a very bruised and battered face. But he decided that it was best to leave such things to when they actually happened. 

"Daisuke... about your parents... Have you told your parents about... Ken...?" 

"..." 

"...no." Daisuke hated the sound of his voice at that moment. He was disgusted at himself. He was infuriated that he had to let Ken's parents down. It was as if he was saying their son wasn't worthy of mention in his house. At the same time, he was frustrated that he couldn't do anything about it now, and beyond that, he knew he couldn't do anything about his lack of courage. His parents had instilled a fear in him that far surpassed any fear Berylvandemon had given him. The only thing that gave him any comfort at the moment was the looks of sympathy on his partner's parent's faces. And even that was something Daisuke felt he deserved very little of. 

"Sweetie... oh... please come down here..." 

Daisuke did as he was told and slowly climbed down the ladder. Never had he felt so bad about himself than at this moment. Not even when Ken had become the Kaiser again did Daisuke feel this bad. There was just something about Ken's parents that he knew he owed them at least an explanation for all the trouble he had caused that night. Maybe it was their kindness, or how they showed him genuine concern -- not just now, but in the past as well, or maybe it was their forgiving nature... so many of the same traits he saw in Ken... 

/Ken... I wonder what you're doing now.../ 

And a thought suddenly began to dawn on Daisuke... 

/Is this... is this how you feel, Ken? Is this why you're disgusted at me...? Is this how you felt...? Like you're not a person... like you're not important enough for me to tell other people...? Is this what you meant by denying our relationship...?.../ 

/How could I have been so selfish... to have forgotten how you were always so sensitive about not being acknowledged?... And to have thought that this was only between us when your parents are also part of our relationship?.../ 

As Daisuke stood there, thinking these thoughts to himself, he felt Ken's parents enfold him in a tight hug and Ken's father offered soothing words to the troubled teen. 

"Daisuke, don't worry about it. We're not disappointed or anything. We're sure you have your reasons for not telling your parents. We don't know your parents very well, but we trust your judgment. Whatever your reasons are for not telling them... it's ok." 

"And, sweetie, if you need to talk to someone, you are always welcome to talk with us. We want to help you two as much as possible. Ever since five years ago, you've been like a third son to us... It was almost as though Ken had a brother again..." At this, Mrs. Ichijouji broke down in tears. Daisuke quickly put his arms around her and tried to comfort her as he began to feel like he truly had a pair of loving parents in Ken's. 

  


  


Daisuke broke out of his reverie and looked back up at the ceiling. He had said that he would call them if he needed someone to talk to, and of course he offered to help Ken's parents unravel his boyfriend, but in his heart, he felt like there really wasn't much he was going to be able to do. He didn't want to burden Ken's parents when they had to deal with Ken already, and he couldn't really help Ken without getting Ken more mad at him for telling his parents about their situation. Besides which, Daisuke had told them enough last night that there wasn't much else to say. So Daisuke hoped that the month would just pass and then they could move on with their lives, whatever that may turn out to be... 

The sound of footsteps walking down the hallway made Daisuke look at his clock. Eleven a.m. it said. 

/Just great./ 

As Daisuke fought with himself about whether to get out of bed or not, the doorbell rang, and he heard his father go to answer the door. A few seconds later, he heard the footsteps come to his room and he quickly turned away from the door. 

"Daisuke, are you awake yet?" his father said as he opened the door. 

Daisuke answered with a little grunt and said, "Yeah." 

"Well, a friend of yours came over, so get out of bed." 

"Yeah, yeah..." 

Daisuke's father closed his door and Daisuke heard his father talk to the visitor. A light male voice with a bounce in it answered back. 

/Tai?... Why is he here?.../ 

Now, fully awake and curious to know, Daisuke got out of bed and tried to make himself look a little bit more presentable. He took a long look in the mirror and was not surprised to see the huge bruise that spread all across the left side of his face. 

/*sigh* I can't do anything about that now. Guess I just gotta hope that Tai doesn't ask me anything about it.../ 

There was a soft knock on his door just as he was thinking this, and he heard Tai's muffled voice float through the door. 

"Daisuke, can I come in?" 

/Have to face the music, I guess.../ 

"Yeah, the door's open. Come on in, Tai..." 

"Thanks." Tai turned the doorknob and entered Daisuke's room. Daisuke was turned away from the door, but through the reflection in the mirror, Tai could see the giant purple splotch on his tanned face. Tai quickly closed the door. 

"Daisuke... What happened? I heard from Agumon that you had a big fight with Ken, but I didn't expect something _this_ bad!" 

"Shhhh! Tai! Keep your voice down! I haven't told my parents yet so they don't know about this..." /not that they'd care anyway... they've always been so indifferent to Jun and me.../ 

"Oh... sorry," Tai apologized. "So, uh, mind telling me how you got that brilliant shiner? I didn't think Ken had it in him anymore to do that kind of damage..." Tai tried to joke. That, however, only made Daisuke more upset, as Tai didn't know just how close to the truth he had hit in that jest. 

"Actually, Tai, seems like Ken still can... or maybe I should say, the Kaiser..." 

"What??" Tai exclaimed. "You're not telling me that Ken's going to run around causing havoc again, are you?" 

"No, no, no..." Daisuke shook his head to emphasize his point. "He's just really mad at me and he acts like that only around me... or at least I hope so..." 

"Well, I guess we'll find out. I told Yamato to go check up on Ken. Seems like he can handle Ken, or so he says," Tai said with a chuckle. 

Daisuke looked away and dejectedly said, "... well, I hope he can handle the Kaiser..." 

"Don't worry about that. This is Yamato we're talking about. He can handle just about anyone." Tai gave a little smile as he remembered how the two of them used to have fights when they were young. 

There was a little pause in the room where neither of the chosen children knew how to continue the conversation. Tai wanted to know what happened, but seeing how distraught Daisuke was at the mentioning of Ken, or the Kaiser, as Daisuke had said earlier, Tai was unsure of how to bring up the topic again without causing the younger digidestined more grief. Daisuke moved to sit on the bed and as he did, Tai moved towards the bed as well. 

"Daisuke..." Tai began. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but please, could you please tell me what's wrong?..." Tai sat down on the bed next to Daisuke. "None of us want to see you two like this. From what our digimon told us, it seems like you and Ken are going through a bit of a rough time in your friendship... You two've never had such a bad fight, ever... not even when he was the Kaiser..." 

"You can't possibly understand..." Daisuke meekly interrupted. "Sorry, Tai, but I can't tell you. I can't. Just, please, don't worry about me and Ken. We'll work it out... somehow..." 

Needless to say, Tai wasn't very happy about Daisuke's quick rebuttal, but he was expecting the younger to be difficult. Just as it was with himself, Daisuke was amazingly stubborn at times, and it was times like this when it didn't help one bit. 

"Daisuke..." 

"Please... I don't want to talk about it..." Daisuke stared down at his hands and wondered if he should cut his nails that day or the next. He was trying to focus his mind on other things, and was hoping he could turn the conversation to something else. But in all honesty, he really didn't feel like talking about anything at all... even though it was Tai who was here in his room right at that moment. And even if Tai had wanted to talk about soccer, Daisuke didn't want to talk at that moment. It was depressingly quiet between the two youths for a few tense moments. 

"...Alright... I understand... I'll leave for today, but I hope you'll open up to me sometime." Tai tried to give a little smile and cheer Daisuke up. "We're all really worried about you two and really want to help... you know that, right?..." 

"...yeah..." 

Tai let out a little sigh. "Alright... Guess I'll catch you around sometime..." 

"...yeah..." 

"...bye." 

"... bye..." 

Daisuke continued to stare at his hands as Tai slowly stood up and walked to the door. He took one last took as he stepped out of Daisuke's room and sighed. This was going to be a tough problem for all of them. 

  


  


Daisuke told his parents that he had gotten his battered look from some kids at school when he got into a fight over a girl who had claimed that Daisuke had badmouthed her. His parents simply said that the school should do something about that, and that they're glad Daisuke was more or less ok. They seemed a little happy, too, when Daisuke had said it was about a girl, since they hadn't seen Daisuke take an interest in girls or dating since he was eleven and was chasing after that girl from their group that the blond boy was going out with now. That wasn't much of a reassurance to Daisuke, but he was glad that they seemed to take his story at face value, and they never mentioned it again. 

And as the week passed and moved into the next, Daisuke was beginning to get depressed. He hadn't been able to talk with Ken's parents out of his guilt, and he certainly hadn't been able to talk to Ken. Daisuke was really beginning to miss talking with his best friend about the many various things that composed their lives. He had tried on numerous occasions to try and call his boyfriend, but each time he tried, he always ended up hanging up the phone right before he hit the last digit of Ken's number. He wanted to talk to Ken, he really did, but he couldn't bring himself to actually face Ken. All that Ken had said and done convinced Daisuke that perhaps, in this case, it was better to not face his nemesis, but to wait until the appointed day when they would have no choice but to sort this mess out. In the end, while he knew that he wanted to talk with Ken more than anything else, he also knew that it was better if he didn't try to talk to him right now. It was still all his fault that they weren't talking to each other anyway, or so he felt. 

  


  


Tai was over again, for the fifth time in the past two weeks, and the older digidestined was beginning to get fed up. His previous four visits had turned up nothing, and it looked as though this afternoon was going to be another waste of everyone's time. Even though Tai had been able to stay longer and longer each time, it wasn't likely that Daisuke was going to tell him anything today either, although the younger had begun to talk to him more normally again. 

Tai moved from one topic to another, trying to hold Daisuke's interest long enough for him to maybe sneak a question or two in about Ken, but Daisuke had been quick enough to see what was going on and deftly avoided all of Tai's questions. Eventually, Tai just asked directly and decided that enough was enough. He was determined to get some sort of answer today! 

"Daisuke, what are you going to do about the presentation you two were supposed to give this weekend at the International Exchange Meeting?..." Tai knew this was a touchy subject. If anything, a situation where one had to confront one's former friend, and judging by the way Daisuke was acting, it was almost as if they were merely "former friends", is always the worst the first time around. 

"I'm not going. Ken can handle it himself. He'd probably blow up again if I were there anyway." Daisuke looked away and tried to avoid Tai's gaze. 

"You can't do that! You made a commitment to co-present a lecture on the popularity and phenomenon of soccer in Japan. You can't back out," Tai forcefully insisted. 

"But..." 

"Daisuke, when are you going to understand that you have to face this problem? You have to get your confidence back first, I understand, but it's been over a week since that day, and it's time you two talked it out. You can't avoid him forever!" 

"You don't understand a thing!" Daisuke answered. /...and I don't have to avoid him forever... only until next month...... I hope.../ 

There was no way the older digidestined was about to let the young one get away with another sidestep. "Well, I would if you would just tell me what's going on!" 

"It's not that simple..." 

"Well, we've got all night..." 

Daisuke's voice raised in intensity. "I can't tell you anyway! I told you before, I can't tell you! I can't deal with this right now! I have to start studying for finals soon, and you know how hard that is for me, since I'm so stupid! I don't need to deal with Ken right now!!" /... even if the truth is that I don't know how to deal with him... or how to change things back to the way they were... I must be really stupid.../ 

"You're not dumb, Daisuke, and that's just an excuse! Ken's more important to you than your schoolwork, everyone knows that! From the first minute you two became friends, you've done nothing but spend all your free time with him. I've even heard from Hikari that you'd dash out of school in the hopes of catching the next subway to Tamachi as though he was your boyfriend or something!!" Tai could tell that Daisuke was barely listening to him, and was trying to block him out, or move on to another, less painful, topic. 

"Fine... fine... whatever," Tai began again, but he was beginning to really lose it. He was never good at controlling his temper before, and he certainly couldn't now. But he couldn't just fight with Daisuke, so he did the only thing he could -- back down and leave Daisuke alone for now. "But you have to face him sometime, and I still insist that you give this presentation. I'll be here on Saturday morning at ten. You'd better be ready to go or else..." 

Irritation seeped into Daisuke's voice as he tried to sound nonchalant, "Yeah, fine, whatever." 

And with that, Tai stormed out of Daisuke's apartment. 

  


  


"I'm telling you, Tai. I can't take much more of Ken. He's driving me nuts! Not only is he being stubborn, but he's so cold that it's like trying to get info out of an iceberg!" Yamato had met up with Tai and was giving his "report" of how things went with Ken that day. 

"I know... tell me about it! Daisuke's just as stubborn! I've never argued with him this badly before... I can't believe I stormed out like that..." 

"What are we going to do about these two?... We can't spend all our time with them... As much as I want to help, we can't keep on doing this. We have lives of our own, Tai, and we have finals starting in two weeks, as do they. We can't keep on doing this." 

"... yeah. I know. Maybe this weekend'll do some good. We can only hope they can solve their problem on their own..." 

  


  


The fateful day arrived and every one of the digidestined showed up at the event to give some moral support. Tai and Yamato came separately, each dragging an unwilling, troubled teen behind them. The event went well for the first two hours, but when Daisuke and Ken were forced to work together in their part of the presentation, the friction that had been building since minute one finally ignited into a raging fire no one could put out. The two of them started out alright, with Ken giving a little introduction to their presentation, while the translator did her job and told the audience in English what the purple-haired boy was saying. And then, it all went to pieces. 

"... The reasons for the popularity of soccer are many, yet it is really quite simple. Japan, along with South Korea, hosted the World Cup in 2002, as I'm sure you are all well aware..." 

"... But we were into soccer waaaay before that too!" Daisuke offered. 

"Thank you, Daisuke... I was just getting to that..." 

"Well, I just wanted them to know that soccer was a really popular sport..." Daisuke looked like he was trying to stay happy, like nothing was wrong, but Tai could see that Daisuke wasn't really alright. He was fighting Ken for authority, as though he had to assert that he, Daisuke Motomiya, did in fact exist and was his equal, not some subordinate. 

"Daisuke. I thought you weren't lecturing until the later half..." Ken was starting to sound irritated. 

/Uh, oh. This isn't good.../ Tai thought to himself. 

"What, am I not allowed to help now??" 

"Daisuke!!" 

By this point, the translator had stopped translating, as she felt that their audience didn't need to know exactly what they were arguing about. However, the boys continued to argue. 

"What?! You know, your _Kaiser-ship_, I've had enough of you being such a cold bastard to me! I've tried to apologize, but you haven't listened to a word I've said!" Daisuke yelled. The phrase, "your Kaiser-ship" dripped with sarcasm as he made a mock bow to the already enraged boy. 

However, Ken wasn't going to play into that as he coolly replied, "Well, who's fault is that?" 

"It's... it's..." Daisuke faulted, but quickly regained his momentum. "It's as much your fault as it's mine! I'd even say it's more yours than mine!" 

"How dare you!" Ken spat out. "Do you know how much crap I put up with because of you?! I don't know why I even bothered to begin with!" Realizing that now was not the place or the time to settle their differences, Ken put on his Kaiser face and regained his calm as he continued. "Besides, don't you think it's rude to be discussing our "relationship" problems in front of everyone? We do have quite the audience here, if you know what I mean, Daisuke-kun..." 

That caught Daisuke off guard. He had almost forgotten that they were on their little "stage" and there were over sixty foreigners and countless more Japanese people sitting in the audience. He didn't want to lose his momentum, now that he had finally gotten his confidence back, but Ken did have a point, as much as he didn't want to admit it. "... Then, fine. You can finish this presentation without me! I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want so badly!" With that, Daisuke stormed off the stage and out the door. 

  


  


*blink, blink* 

"Well, at least Daisuke got his confidence back..." 

"Or, at least his temper..." 

Tai threw his best friend a look that said that this wasn't something to joke about, even if he himself wanted to. "...Yamato... I don't think we have much of a choice..." 

"... I know. We _have_ to do something about this now. We can't leave it the way it is... We have to solve this before finals hit, or we'll _all_ do terrible on our exams..." 

Tai gave a nod of agreement. "Yeah. I don't think I can handle finals with this bothering me. I have enough trouble concentrating as is..." 

Yamato looked towards the remaining half of the pair, and was slightly surprised to see that Ken had a slight look of remorse on his face, which was the most amount of any emotion, other than cold, that Yamato had seen out of the former Kaiser for the past two weeks. But he brushed the thought aside and figured he would think about it later. "What lousy timing those two have..." 

"Yeah..." Tai sighed out. "Whatever happened to their synchronicity??..." 

  


  


Notes: 

-This chapter was mad long... I in no way intended this to be 45k in size... -_-;; I just couldn't find a good place to end it, since in the grand scheme of my plot, it wouldn't make sense to cut it anywhere else... *sigh* that's what I get for planning my fics out ahead of time... In any case, I hope it was an enjoyable read for people, and worth the two month wait... ^_^;; 

- The kids from America... Heh, heh... ^_^;; hope this doesn't count as a Mary Sue/self-insertion... I mean, it sort of is... but it does have a purpose... later on... I hope people don't flame me for this... ^_^;; 

-The level of English I used in the emails is actually quite high for first year high school students...unless you're in a really top level private school... But I figure that with Ken being less intelligent than before, he wouldn't have gone to a top private school, and that he would actually be having difficulties with languages. In the show, he can speak Spanish (it's in the episode where Ken and Yamato go to Mexico), but I think now, he'd have a little problem remembering everything he used to. 

By first year high school student, I mean the equivalent of the American sophomore in high school. The Japanese school system's a bit different where the school levels are broken up as follows: pre-K ~ K, grades 1~6, 7~9, and 10~12. They refer to what grade a student is in by level of school and what year, so first year high school means 10th grade, and third year junior high school means 9th grade. 

-I don't actually know if Tamachi Junior High sends students abroad or anything, but my school does, so I took a little liberty in saying that Tamachi does too. I figure if my school in the middle of the Japanese countryside could send kids to America for 10 days, a school in Tokyo should be able to, too... -_-;; 

-None of the kids in the Hatter family are digidestined, but they know about digimon and all that cause of the events five years prior. I think it would take a while before everyone had their own digimon. Unlike in the show where they said that everyone has one, etc, in real life, it would take a while to integrate things, and create laws and all that. Otherwise, things would just go out of hand... so in my opinion, anyway... -_-; 

-The title of this chapter is "Mounting Frustrations"... I hope the mountain of Ken's frustrations is becoming more evident... as I hope Daisuke's is... (relationship problems, family problems, personal problems, and on top of it all, school and FINALS!!! ugh! :P ) 

-Daisuke's still counting air bubbles... ^_^;; (see chapter 1 if you don't remember ^_^;; ) 

-I said that Daisuke's mom's out at the "super". No, I did not forget to type "market". In Japan, supermarkets are just simply "super", but most people know what you mean if you ask where the supermarket is. 

-Ah, so Daisuke finally figures out a little bit more. I think he would eventually figure out how Ken's feeling, even if he doesn't understand it all, or know what to do about it. He begins to realize why Ken lost his patience, and why he's so disgusted with Daisuke to the point where the Kaiser took over. 

-Ken's pet peeve always been that he hates being ignored and he hates it when people don't acknowledge his existence. So it would make sense that this is one of the reasons he gets so upset when Daisuke repeatedly refuses to publicly acknowledge their relationship and his status in Daisuke's life... It's too bad Daisuke doesn't know what to do... or how to do it, even if he were to realize what to do... or, even worse, if he could find the courage to do what he needs to do... 

-Ken's parents ^_^ *melts* I want parents like that!! 

-Daisuke's parents are indifferent to Jun and Daisuke. "Indifferent" doesn't mean "don't care", but there is certainly a fine line between the two... Let's just say that his parents let him do whatever, and thinks that he is capable of handling his own things when it comes to friends and the whatnot, but if he breaks a rule of theirs, then they can dictate what must be done. In other words, they're not going to fuss over Daisuke and support him like Ken's parents, but they do want to know what's going on... 

-At this point, all Tai and Yamato know is that Daisuke and Ken are having problems, but they don't know the exact nature of the problem. We'll see how long it takes for them to realize that the "relationship" problems Ken was talking about are boyfriend-type problems and not just friendship-type problems. ^_^; Will they figure it out before they get so fed up that they abandon our young ones to their own anger...? 

-Daisuke gets his confidence back by then end, or maybe it's just the adrenalin from being in front of an audience... I don't know. All I know is that Daisuke is beginning to feel the need to assert his own equality, just as Ken was trying to, very nicely, ask Daisuke to establish his status in Daisuke's life. Both boys are suffering virtually the same problem now... so who will fold first, and who will be able to solve this problem...? 

  


  


Yes, I know I'm bad for leaving this question looming... but I will try to update again by next month, so until then, bai bai! ^_~ 


	10. Chapter 8: Resolution Found?

Ken: Don't even start.  
akai: *hangs head* I know... *sniffle*  
Ken: You are awful at this punctuality thing.  
akai: I know...  
Ken: Ok, let's get on with it. No need to waste any more of people's time.  
akai: Yeah... 

So, yes, I've finally updated... Life's been a little busy with the end of the school year and all that (see my notes for Chapter 1 about school in Japan) so I didn't get to write for a while... and then when I did, I was also trying to catch up on my other fics -_-;; This is why I must stop writing more than one fic at a time. Those of you who can write more than one fic at a time, I applaud you, for you must have the talent that I am most certainly lacking -_- (Can I have some of that talent, too? Anyone willing to donate?... ^.^;; ) 

  


  


Ok, on with replies! (Ken: Running away?... akai: ^_^;; ) 

  


  


_Moonlit Eyes1x2x1  
OH...MY...I...Uhh....Um...Ee...Eh...*continues making incoherent noises for about, oh, thirty seconds before--* Ugh~~ *Fainting onto a pile of ken sketches. Had M.E. stayed awake she'd have told you that you're a very evil person for driving her insane by leaving it at such an inappropriate (it's 1:03AM, can't spell) place*_

Tee hee ^_^ I hadn't actually thought it was a bad place to leave the chapter, but now that you mention it, I guess that was pretty cruel, huh? >:D But I hope you got some sleep! Oh, and where can one see said sketches of Ken? ^_~ 

_New Obsessions  
YAYNESS! YOU UPDATED A COOL CHAPTOR! *bows* Bravi! I can't wait for the next one! But... if I must. I will. I love the whole spectical(Wow do I need a dictionary...) thingy on the stage. Anyways... UPDATE SOON! (Sooner if you can.) _

And here's another! (I am still slow as dirt, that I am... -_-x;; ) Oh, and thankies! I'm glad you liked the stage scene. That one's one of my favorite too ^_^ I could just see how Ken would go from angry to cold, and I hoped that it came out in my writing. 

_Chisama  
:;covers face with hands:: You're starting to scare me...is this gonna end Daiken? ARRGGHH!! ::pounds head into desl:: You're getting better at these killer cliffhangers...^_^ _

Heh, heh, heh... >:D You're just going to have to wait and see, now won't you? Daiken's future... seems a bit shaky right now, doesn't it?... hmmm.... 

Oh, and you might want to look into getting your head stitched up... I don't think the university's going to appreciate all that blood on their desk either... >:D 

_Hotaru-chan6666  
I really like this fic...I can't wait for what happens next! I love the Kaizer showing up..it was perfect...I like good Ken but yet I like Kaizer Ken too at times..so it's nice to see them both in a fic ^_~ _

Ah, thanks ^_^ I'm glad you're enjoying this fic too. Yup, yup... the Kaiser's great >:D It's interesting, though, cause while I liked the concept of a totally crazy schizo/split personality Ken (ala the supremely great fic "Deep As You Go" by Klitch -- on her page () since FF.net took it down), I was going for a more "normal" Ken. I think people naturally have a more aggressive side, it's just that in Ken's case, he gave his aggressive side a name: the Digimon Kaiser. Course, does that mean that he's actually slightly schizo cause he believes his dark side to be a different personality??... Do we all experience a moment of schizophrenia when we feel like we're watching ourselves do things "out of our own control?"... hmmmm... 

_allekto   
sorry it took so long to leave a review... but that's a serious cliffhanger you've left. quite frankly though, i'm glad Daisuke has figured some more things out... maybe it means a resolution is coming? and hopefully Tai & Yamato will put two and two together too... this fic is still excellent and i can't wait for more. i know you put a lot of effort into it but that wait always kills me!! _

Ah, don't apologize... *grins sheepishly* We all know who's awful at being late... _me..._ ^_^;;;;; Yes, I guess the ending was a bit mean... hmmm... Yes, I'm happy Daisuke's figured out a few things, but he seems to still be floundering around, so who knows what he's really figured out and what he hasn't... I hope the wait was worth it... -_-;; 

_Renee  
need more! *starts dreaming is Ken* ^^; he is my baby!!!!!!! I wuv him so much! but pweeeeeeze have him and Dai-chan get all yummy soon! DAMN YOU I MUCT HAVE YUMMY!!!!! IF I DONT I HAVE YUMMY I KILL!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _

Ok, I gotcha ^_^ Here's more of the fic... please don't kill me........ *.*;; 

_Akemi  
i really like how you brought the Kaiser back! that was ingenious! ^-^ Now, if you'd just update.... >> _

Heh heh... yes, I am awful at updating... but see! Here's a sparkly new chapter! Good, right?... ^_^;; And there's more of the Kaiser to come! 

_N.O  
Strange how your chapter is called, "Mounting Frustrations" CAUSE I'M GETTING JUST THAT WAITING FOR UPDATES! *laughs* No, really. update! Thanks. *bows* _

*.* ... uh, oh... I'm in trouble... Ok, well, here's the next chapter... please spare me...? *whimper* 

_Manyari  
I know you've been working on this fanfic for pretty long, and I hope you could still update because this is a wonderful fanfic and I want to know what happens in the end.please continue it :) please :) I love this fic, keep up the great work! _

Thanks for your complement. Yeah, I have been working on this fic for quite some time... I still can't believe it's been more than a year, but anyway, I have full intentions of finishing the fic, so don't worry ^_^ If there's anything I'm determined to do is finish what I've started. 

  


  


*phew* Next time... definitely must learn to update faster... But for now, sit back and enjoy the angst! 

Disclaimer: I own Digimon... and major disasters are about to befall the manga and anime industries as people will refuse to read/watch future shows... yeah, right... :P 

  


  


To recap: Daisuke and Ken try to recover from their big fight in their own ways as the stresses of life build up around them. Tai and Yamato find out about their woes and try to help, but are at the end of their tether as Daisuke and Ken refuse help and end up violently verbally clashing in front of a large audience at an international exchange meeting during a lecture they were supposed to co-present. 

  


  


Understanding  
Chapter 8: Resolution Found...? 

A pleasant breeze blew through the curtains, bellowing them here and there as they swayed with the current. Outside, the leaves on the trees were green and a general feeling of goodness oozed throughout the area. As the mid-day sun shone through the window, it showered the forms of two very relaxed college students as they talked and chatted the afternoon away. But eventually, as the afternoon wore on into evening, the tone of their conversation also took a turn for the darker side of the moon. 

"Ok, I was thinking about this, and I think I'm right in saying this..." Yamato started as he stared up at the ceiling, his head resting comfortably on his best friend's stomach. 

"What...?" 

"... So, supposed that their "relationship" problems, as it were, aren't what we think they are..." 

"What do you mean?" Tai half sat up in an attempt to see his friend's face and give him a quizzical look. 

"I mean, let's suppose they're going out," Yamato continued. "Where would that put this whole thing...?" 

Tai thought about that for a minute. Then the light went on. 

"Oh..." 

"Exactly. Puts a whole new spin on things, huh?" 

"Yeah. A very different spin..." Tai trailed off and laid back down as he was getting tired of holding himself half up. "But how did you even think of this possibility?" 

"Ken asked me once about how we had enough courage to tell the gang about our relationship, and from what Gabumon told me when we were talking about their "big fight", it sounded like Ken and Daisuke started having problems after that day at the picnic... I'm supposing that whatever Daisuke was supposed to say drastically affected both of them and in turn, affected their relationship..." 

"Always the relationship detective, aren't you, Yama?..." Tai said with a slight smirk. 

It was Yamato's turn to shift up on one elbow and give his friend a look. "Well, it's not _that_ hard to see, but I guess your hair's getting in the way of your brain again..." 

"Yama..." 

"I know, I'm evil..." Yamato gave a little smirk of his own and laid his head back down on Tai's stomach. "But seriously though... If that's the case, then we have to be extra careful in how we handle this. One false move and they might even refuse to talk to us. Relationship problems are on a whole 'nother level, and if we screw this one up, it may end team unity for the younger group for good." 

Tai gulped a little as he realized the weight of their mission. "Yeah, I know..." 

The conversation continued in a somber mood and one could say that instead of bringing eternal peace of the spirit, the sudden enlightenment the pair attained just then only served to weigh their already tired souls down. After a while, Tai felt that it was just too depressing to continue in this way, so he suggested that they do the one thing that always made him really happy, well, other than soccer. 

"Hey, we should go get some dinner. It's getting late. What are you up for?" 

"Don't really care. I'm not that hungry yet, actually." 

"How can you not be?! It's past 5:30!" Tai gave an incredulous look. 

"In case you've forgotten, I don't usually eat until after 8, at the very earliest. Band practice and all." 

"Yeah, yeah. And that's why you're a twig, right?" 

"Hey!" 

"Ok, well, I'm starved, so come on. Move so I can go feed my poor stomach." Tai flexed his abs up and down in an attempt to shake the heavy head off of him. 

"Awww... Do we have to go now? I'm so comfy... You know, you make a wonderfully delicious pillow," Yama said with closed eyes and a light smile. Tai threw his friend a look and shoved the blond haired head off of himself. 

"Ok, that's it! Off! Off!" and proceeded to stand up and walk to the door, leaving the musician to scramble after him. 

  


  


Things weren't nearly as cheerful in the Ichijouji house in the following week, as Yamato tried yet again to chip away at the iceberg that was Ken. That little bit of emotion he had seen at the conference gave Yamato a little hope for Ken as it probably meant that the young ex-Kaiser was still somewhat within reach. 

Tonight was the second of the two weekly "sessions" that Yamato had established for himself and Tai, and Minomon was perched up in Ken's bed watching the bi-weekly play repeat itself like a bad rerun that refused to end. 

"Great job at the conference, Ken. I think the audience learned a lot about Japanese soccer that day." 

The Kaiser gave a silent, cold stare. 

"So... uh... how's your club doing? Get any more pen pals recently?..." 

"We talked about all this last time, Yamato. I don't feel that we need to repeat topics, especially ones where you know the answers before you even ask." 

"Um..." Yamato tried to look unfazed as he looked around the room for something to talk about, all the while, he was fuming mad internally already. 

The younger gave a little yawn. "Why don't you just start on your usual line of questioning and just ask me about Daisuke like you do every time I see you? That way, we can act out our scripted lines and you can go home." 

"I don't understand you, Ken." The blond's eyebrows began to give away his inner anger and furrowed into little knots as he continued. "It's like the more I talk to you, the more you seem like the Kaiser. Why are you letting yourself to do this? Don't you even care about how this is affecting your friends?" 

The Kaiser took a little interest in this turn of events as his left eyebrow shifted up in the slightest. "Are we straying from the script today? This is certainly unexpected. I guess you _can_ still surprise me, Yamato. I'll have to keep that in mind for future reference." 

Yamato clenched his fingers into a fist, and there was that twitch in his temple again... "You really have no care for anyone other than yourself, you know that? How can you talk like this when you know your best friend is in so much pain, which, need I remind you, is pain that you're causing." 

"It's a pain of his own making." The Kaiser flipped his hand in the air as though he were swatting a fly away. "If he doesn't want to feel pain, he should do what he needs to do in order to correct the situation, and not let it bother him so much." 

The twitching got worse. "Listen to yourself! Can't you hear how contradictory you are? Do you even have any idea what you're saying?" 

"Fuck off, Yamato. I've had all I can take of you." 

Yamato blinked once as his brain processed those words. And as if on cue, all the anger and frustrations of dealing with the Kaiser these past three weeks released itself onto its originator. 

"Oh, that's it! I don't take that kind of abuse, and especially not from a little brat like you. I don't care who you are, Ken or Kaiser, but no one uses that kind of language with me!" And it was here that Yamato decided to use his trump card. "I'm here of my own free will to try and get you and Daisuke back together, cause that's the real problem, isn't it, Ken! Your real problem has to do with some lover's quarrel, doesn't it? Don't think that you're _that_ hard to read! You give yourself too much credit." 

The Kaiser sat in stunned silence. He hadn't actually ever given thought to what he would say if someone actually confronted him with the truth as he thought that the truth was something no one would ever guess. Sure, he knew what to say if someone accused him of being a horrible friend and all that, but now, he could only sit and unwillingly give Yamato the wordless confirmation that the blond had guessed right. 

"Th- That's not true. How could you even _think_ that we have some sort of relationship?" the dark-haired boy sputtered, but his denial came a little too late. 

"No, I don't _think_. I _know_." 

The Kaiser didn't know what to say after that, so he said the only thing he could think of. 

"Fuck off." 

The dull thud of flesh hitting flesh and bones seemed to echo forever as it resounded throughout the room, and even though Minomon wanted to see if his Ken was alright, he knew better than to interfere with Yamato when he looked as mad as he was looking at this point. In the last couple of weeks, he had seen Yamato become more and more frustrated, and he knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. But Ken needed this sort of tough love now. Just as it was when he was eleven, Ken just couldn't understand how far he had strayed unless someone was there who could bring him back. Last time, it took him sacrificing his life. Hopefully, this time, Yamato's "no bullshit" attitude will be enough. 

"You should feel lucky that I'm not about to pound you into the ground like the way you beat Daisuke up," Yamato scowled, but then he instantly pulled back as the realization that he had just punched Ken sunk in and he started chewing at his lower lip. /Oh, shit! I think I just screwed up really big time there... Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Ken might not ever talk to me again after that. SHIT!!/ 

But Ken was lost in his own thoughts. A sudden flashback hit him. /This feeling of being dominated... I haven't felt it in so long... not since.../ 

"...Osamu..." 

"What?" Yamato looked at the younger boy. He wasn't quite sure he had heard what he thought he had heard, and asked again. "What did you...?" 

Ken looked up at Yamato with a slightly glazed look in his eyes. "Osamu," he repeated. 

Osamu. The name rang a bell. Where had he heard it before? Then Yamato remembered. When they were making the digidestined blanket, Daisuke had mentioned offhand that Ken should draw something involving Osamu, but Ken had politely turned it down saying it wasn't right and that it was something too personal to put on a blanket for the group. 

Yamato carefully studied the younger digidestined as he watched a glassy-eyed Ken unconsciously nurse the sore spot on his face. 

/So, the Kaiser _does_ still have _some_ sort of respect after all. Even if he doesn't respect his parents and friends, he still seems to respect his dead older brother./ 

"Ken... I'm not your brother..." Yamato tried to say. 

"... I know," Ken interrupted. "You're Yamato. But for a moment, I could see my brother in you." Ken lifted his gaze until he could look his elder in the eyes. This time, his eyes were clear and focused. "I... You're not my brother, but... I think Osamu would want me to at least hear your advise out." 

  


  


Yamato quietly left Ken's room and closed the door as he heard Ken quietly talking with his partner. Ken didn't want to make a scene with his parents, and if they had seen the trails of dried tears on his cheeks, they would have surely asked questions. Otherwise, he would've walked the blond to the door and have bade him good night there. But Yamato understood this, and that was why he was currently trying to be quiet and let himself out. Unfortunately, Ken's parents spotted him trying to sneak out and, being the type of people they are, offered to drive him back to the university. 

"Will you be alright going back to the university at this time of night? Would you like a ride back to your apartment?" Mrs. Ichijouji asked. 

"Nah, I'll be fine. Thanks for your concern, Mr. and Mrs. Ichijouji. I'll just take the subway, like always," Yamato answered with a smile. He was about to say good night when Mr. Ichijouji began to speak. 

"Yamato. Do you have a little time? We would like to have a few words with you about Ken." 

"Uh, sure..." 

So Yamato ended up taking Ken's parents up on that offer of a ride since the subways had stopped at their usual time of midnight. They talked about a great deal of things concerning Ken and Daisuke. Yamato tried not to tell anything to Ken's parents that he didn't feel was necessary. Afterall, a counselor is only as good as his ability to keep things confidential, even to parental units. Ken's parents were greatly relieved to hear that Ken was doing better, and they thanked Yamato profusely for all his help all the way to Yamato's apartment. 

/Tonight was certainly a surprise. I didn't expect Ken to break quite like that... but if he's better for it, then I guess it can't be all that bad.../ And Yamato let out a huge sigh of relief as he headed to his bathroom to get ready for bed, wondering how things had gone for Tai. 

  


  


Tai wasn't quite as lucky. No big break came for him as Daisuke continued to refuse Tai's help. Whenever Tai mentioned Ken's name, Daisuke would simply switch to another random topic, just as he had been doing all along, only now, Daisuke acted even more closed and dodgy than before. What little progress Tai had made before had been negated by whatever trauma the little scene at the lecture had caused. He had tried to find out information through subtler means, and had even asked Hikari for suggestions on how to un-stubborn Daisuke, but it was all in vain. When Tai went to Daisuke's this time, he expected to receive the same treatment he had been receiving in the past week since the mess at the conference, and he wasn't disappointed, as the conversation, just like the other ones, went something like this: 

"Daisuke, what are you going to do about Ken?" 

"Oh, I was wondering if you would help me with this English sentence. This homework's due tomorrow, but I really don't understand it." At this point, Daisuke would put on his innocent, helpless look. 

"Daisuke..." 

"Please~! I really need to pass English." By now, Daisuke was pouring it on. 

"... Fine... I'll help you," Tai would say as he reluctantly gave in. 

And then, two hours later... 

"So, now that I've helped you with _all_ your homework, are you going to answer my question?" 

"Um, so, how's Yamato? I haven't seen much of him lately. You two still play soccer in your spare time?" Daisuke would start searching for something to talk about again. 

"Daisuke..." Tai would sound a bit more cross. 

"I know. You guys are busy with college, and Yamato's still got that band, right? Well, it's ok, I guess. As long as you guys get time to hang out, right?" 

"Daisuke..." And a bit more... 

And on it would go. Today, however, Tai decided to live up to his reputation and tried to out-stuborn the younger leader as he dropped the bombshell. 

"I know about you and Ken." 

Daisuke took a peek at his watch and started, "Ah, look at..." 

"No, Daisuke. You're going to listen to me for once." Tai was getting sick of this little game they were always playing and his tone of voice and expression left no room for Daisuke to maneuver. "You two are going out, aren't you?" 

"No!" Daisuke answered violently. "What the heck are you talking about! We're just friends!... Well... sort of friends, with the way _he's_ acting. He's like the Kaiser again. I mean, how can anyone love someone who's a sadistic, egotistical psycho on the side?" Daisuke spat out the sentence with venom. 

"Don't lie to me, Daisuke." The older boy gave a glare. /That's another point for Yama and his intuition.../ "It's pretty obvious that you two are going out. Why didn't you tell us? Why wouldn't you tell us and let us help you?..." 

But Daisuke cut Tai off again. "You don't understand a thing. You have no idea what's going on... and this is a "problem" between me and Ken. We don't need you butting in and trying to help. I can handle it by myself." 

And just like that, Tai just didn't care anymore and sarcasm dripped thickly from his words. He had had it with Daisuke and his stubbornness. If he was rude and Daisuke refused to talk to him ever again after this, it was fine by him. 

"_Sure_, in your oh-so _diplomatic_ way. Great progress you've been making, Daisuke. I hope that little scene at the lecture wasn't proof of your great progress..." 

"Just shut up," Daisuke growled out. "I can handle it on my own. Mind your own business Taichi." 

  


  


And so it was of little surprise the next day when... 

  


  


"I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF DAISUKE!!!" 

Yamato looked up from his homework as Tai let himself in and flung his backpack, narrowly missing the lamp, onto the floor sofa. 

"Welcome to my room, Tai. Please, feel free to take out a piece or two of my furniture if you so choose." 

Tai breathed heavily. In and out. In and out. "Sorry, Yama. I'm just... I don't know. He's just pissing me off! How're things with Ken?" 

"Quite well, actually. You know, Ken's not a bad guy. If I weren't straight, I think I'd be trying to steal Ken away from Daisuke," Yamato grinned at Tai. 

"What??... You're not really trying, are you?" Tai questioned, anger forgotten. 

"Oh, come on, Tai. If I _were_ gay, you'd be the first person to know." 

Shifting an eyebrow, Tai asked, "How do I know you're not telling me now?" 

"Baka." Yamato stuck his tongue out at his friend. "You really are a bum, you know that?" 

"Heh, heh." 

"No, but really. Ken's a real nice guy once you get past the whole Kaiser thing. I'm beginning to see why Daisuke's so smitten by him. Those two seem like they'd be a great pair." 

"Yeah, if that _idiot_ ever figures out what he has to do to get him back. I can't take him anymore. He's driving me up the wall with his stubbornness and I think it's time we resorted to more drastic measures." 

"...such as?..." 

"Such as ignoring him until the picnic and seeing what happens." 

Yamato nearly fell out of his chair at that statement. "And undo all my work with Ken? No way, buster! Just 'cause someone's out-stubborned you and given you a taste of your own medicine doesn't mean that _I_ have to suffer for it. 'Sides, if they ruin our monthly picnic, I don't think Hikari'll be very forgiving of her o-nii-san." 

"Bah." Tai let out a sigh. "You're right, as usual. Damn it." 

Yamato gave a little all knowing smile. "Of course I'm right! I'm always right!" 

  


  


The week ended and rolled into the next. Yamato was getting along better and better with Ken, and the dark-haired boy had become pretty normal again, so far as anyone could tell. Even the topic of Daisuke didn't bring any reoccurrences of the Kaiser, which pleased Yamato greatly. Now if only they could get Daisuke to be equally as normal... 

  


  


Daisuke was having another one of those days. Guilt rode high and he was drowning in the mess he had created. He kept replaying that scene in his mind over and over. It's not that he had actually meant to yell at Tai, and he certainly didn't mean to drive the brown haired guy away... He had just felt that he needed space. 

/Che. Who am I kidding anyway? I don't need space. I don't need time to think these things through. I already know what I want, but I just can't bring myself to do anything about it. 'Course, didn't help that Ken decided to turn Kaiser on me. Arg.../ 

Tai had taken his words literally it seemed, and the older leader had opted not to show up at the Motomiya household on Tuesday. And there had been no word or contact from Tai as to when their next meeting would be. 

To complicate things more, earlier in the day, Miyako tried to offer some help as she cornered Daisuke in one of the music rehearsal rooms while he was sulking, but she had only gotten a cold look and a forced statement of, "Nothing," from the goggle-headed leader as thanks for her concern. When she had tried to pursue the matter further, Daisuke had run away in fear that he would screw up again, in the manner of his statement to Tai. 

Yes, all in all, this day had been nothing but depressing and annoying. What made it worse was that it was also becoming more hopeless. Each day that was passing was another day closer to the monthly picnic. Each day that had passed pushed him one day closer to that one month deadline -- that day which would determine just how things were going to be from now on for the two of them. 

/Only one more period to go... and then track practice. Ugh. Why can't this day just end? I just want to go home.../ 

_... and do what... exactly...?..._ his brain inquired. 

/...I'm not sure.../ 

As Daisuke continued debating with himself during math class, he came to six conclusions. First, that the days weren't going to go in reverse just for him. Second, he had screwed up royally both in being a friend, and a boyfriend. Third, he was going to have to apologize very profusely to everyone, especially Ken, Tai, and Miyako, in that order. Fourth, he truly loved everything about Ken, and was even willing to embrace his love's darker side, which he had finally conceded as being a very important part of what makes Ken Ken. Fifth, he was going to have to beg really damned hard to get Tai to help him figure out how to win his love back. And sixth?... 

/I can't deal with everything else... I can't face everyone's judgments... Not yet.../ 

Thus, when he had finally found the time, after eating dinner, Daisuke wrestled the phone away from Jun and summoned the courage to call Tai to ask for help. 

"Moshi, moshi," a cheerful voice answered. 

"Tai?" 

At the sound of the younger digidestined's voice, the cheeriness quickly turned into irritation. "What do you want, Daisuke?" 

"I, uh... was sorta... wondering... uh..." 

"If you need my help, forget it. I've had all I can take from you. You've been nothing but uncooperative, and you don't even answer me sometimes. Besides, I thought you didn't want my help. I thought you said that it's none of my business, that you could handle it on your own, and that you didn't want me to "butt in". Well, here's your chance to prove it, Mr. Hotshot. And that's all I'm going to say." Tai took a little breath to calm himself down and then continued. "So, if there's anything else you'd like to talk about, go ahead, but I'm done talking about this topic." 

"I... uh..." Daisuke couldn't believe he was hearing things right. Tai had never talked to him like that, and it unnerved him to the core. All the courage he had just summoned, abandoned him in those few fleeting moments and he was left with nothing. So he said the only two things he could. 

"...Never mind... bye..." And then he hung up the phone. 

Daisuke's head whirled from the blow. That phone call just then proved to him that he had truly alienated the one older person he looked up to. Chibimon tried to help calm the nervous boy down with his usual cheerfulness, but it was no use. Right then, Daisuke was truly feeling the weight of having betrayed the two most important people in his life. 

Despite the cold response the night before, Daisuke tried again and call Tai on Friday in hopes that he would offer some help in his last hours. He also tried calling Miyako, but to no avail. To say that things were getting desperate was an understatement, and it was apparent in everything Daisuke said and every move he made over the next two days. 

/I've already tried calling Tai twice today, and all I got was his answering service... and even Miyako's not picking up her keitai... Are they avoiding me? Did I really piss them all off that badly? I mean, maybe they're just all really busy and they'll get back to me later... yeah.../ 

/Oh, man, it's Saturday... come one, Miyako. I know you're not _that_ busy on a Saturday morning... and where's Tai? I thought he usually stays in on Saturday mornings too... Maybe he's over at Yamato's... but I tried calling there too... and I.../ 

/...Ken... What do you want from me? What do I have to do to get you to look at me? I don't know what to do... Will you talk to me if I apologized? No... you probably wouldn't listen anyway... Will you talk to me as your normal, kind self if I tell the others? But I... I don't think I can do that... not now... not without you there to help me... not when I've already pissed off our closest friends... What should I do... Ken...?... I can't deal with both problems together... not all at once... I just can't... Please... why can't you help me?.../ 

And finally, it all came down to the final hours before the fated day. 

/What am I going to do? I'm really screwed now... Tomorrow's going to be hell, and I know it. Maybe I won't show up at all... then I can just pretend... and.../ 

_... run away from your problems again..._

/...and just hope that no one'll ask questions. Maybe it'd be better if Ken were to hate me. I don't think I could ever live up to being a good boyfriend anyway... Oh, Kami-sama.../ 

  


  


Notes (I apologize in advance for their length): 

-I think this chapter ended up sounding sorta summary-ish... which I wish it didn't, but that's how it came out. On the other hand, I guess there was a lot that was covered, so if it was more fleshed out like my other chapters, this one would've been even longer, and that would've just been a little too long for my taste. I think my problem was that this chapter encompassed a lot of time and a lot of events, and I was trying to cover them all. The other difference was that this was more of a Tai and Yamato chapter than a Daisuke and Ken chapter because I felt that if I were to write another Daiken chapter, it would've just been more rehashing of the same angst the two of them've been going through in the past 8 chapters. Also, I think the lighter Taito antics were an interesting break and offered something other than angst. Hopefully, this turned out to be an ok chapter... (if not sub-standard, in my opinion... -_-;; ) 

-Ok, so I was re-reading my story, and I came across this interesting bit in chapter 5... Yama says to Ken, "Next thing you know, Bam! You'll start wearing goggles and have spiky hair and..." ... O.O;; I certainly didn't mean for that to be foreshadowing, but it's funny in that strange sort of way that the Kaiser, just like Daisuke, wears goggles and has spiky hair... and I didn't even relate the two until waaaaaaay later... 

Even more strange is that this story coincidentally works well with the calendar for the year 2008... In the Japanese version of the show, they tell you that the X-mas episodes were supposed to take place Dec. 25, 2002, so my guess is that the end of the show was around New Years' 2003. The strange part of that is that since this story takes place 5 years after the end of Digimon 02, the actual year in the story is 2008, which matches up with the show... I had started writing this without looking at a calendar, but when I looked up the calendar for 2008, the dates matched with what I was writing... hmmm... Maybe I should go change all those 20xx into 2008... I guess my brain works in ways even I don't know about... o.o;; 

-Yeah, Tai and Yamato figured it out rather quickly... mostly because I couldn't drag it on in the scheme of my plot... but hey, Yamato's pretty good with stuff like that, so I figured that he _should_ be able to figure it out rather quickly... right? ^_^;; 

-Ken's club, I'd imagine, would be some sort of English club, or international club, since he would probably be interested in keeping up with people from around the world. Being good in foreign languages also helps foster interest, since most of my kids who are good in English also seem to be interested in foreign affairs and/or want to travel abroad. That's why Yamato asks him if he's gotten any more pen pals in his club. As for why I made Ken give up on soccer, read more below... like the second-to-last note blurb-thingie... 

-Ah, the Kaiser ^_^ the evil bastard that he is, finally breaks down. Ken, I think, still has respect for Osamu. Even when he was the Kaiser when he was young, he seemed to still think about his older brother a lot. So, when Yamato suddenly gives him a lecture and punches him, it's like deja vu for him. From what you see of Ken's parents, it doesn't seem like they never raised their hands against him, so he's probably never been yelled at or punched or anything by his parents. So when Yamato suddenly does that, it's of no surprise that the only person Ken links that kind of behavior with is Osamu. Thus, he affords Yamato the same respect as he would've afforded his older brother, and listens to Yamato's advice. 

-The subways in Tokyo usually stop around midnight and they start again at 5 am. 

-College students in Japan, contrary to what I had previously written in one of my other fics, tend to not live in dorms, since most universities don't have dorms or have only a few. Thus, most college students either live at home with their families and commute, or in their own apartments nearby. Jun and Tai both live at home, while Yamato's moved out into his own 2' x 4' box... er... apartment. 

-Another glaring aspect about this chapter was the emphasis on scripts and how everything they're doing has been so overdone and repeated week after week that it's become a script for them. So it gets a bit interesting when Tai and Yamato finally throw in those twists and turn everything upside-down, even though they get two very different results. 

-Tai completely loses it -_-;; Well, can you blame the guy? ;_; *gives Tai a hug* 

-... and the return of Daisuke's brain... Inner dialogue with yourself is fun! ^_^;; 

-Daisuke and Ken's clubs and sports practices. In Japan, pretty much every student is supposed to join a club. They can only join one club because clubs are every day, unlike in the States where it's once a week. I made Ken give up sports mostly because I think he'd be interested in pursuing other things. Daisuke, I think, would stay with sports, and since he's so good at running from all his soccer training, I think short distance would be his specialty. The other reason the two of them gave up on soccer is that in the grand scheme of things, soccer is still less established as a school sport at the senior high school level, while sports like baseball and tennis have a huge draw. I admit I don't know if Odaiba and Tamachi High Schools have soccer teams, but I somehow doubt it since only about 20% of the high schools in the entire country have soccer teams established and searching google in both English and Japanese also turned up nothing concerning soccer in Odaiba and Tamachi other than more fanfics... -_-;; Read more about soccer in Japan here: 

-Japanese mini-lesson!! *insert cheesy music*  
baka - idiot, moron 

o-nii-san - older brother 

che - a sound effect that is commonly used when you're expressing annoyance at a circumstance or situation. 

keitai - cell phone 

Kami-sama - God... well, more like "god" (since it's not the Judeo-Christian God we're talking about here...) and it can be any one or all of the zillions of Shinto gods that exist 

  


  


Tai: Gods, akai. Why did you have to make me sound like such an ass at the end there??  
akai: What? I thought you were pissed off... so isn't that how you normally sound?...  
Tai: ...NO!  
Yama: Uh, huh... Have you listened to yourself recently?  
Tai: You're of no help. I thought you were supposed to be my best friend?...  
Yama: I am. But I tell it like it is. *grins*  
Tai: ... *sulks*  
akai: Well, anyway, poor Daisuke. -_- Wonder what'll happen to him now that you and everyone else seem to have snubbed him...  
Tai: It's his own fault, you know. I tried to be nice and help. *continues to sulk*  
akai: Remind me not to come to you for help. -_-;; 


End file.
